Limes, Lemons and Beautiful Yarn

I need to vent.

2012-01-24T20:24:00.000-06:00

Early Bird is screaming in her bed. Its actually an improvement....that's how bad her bedtime routine has been lately. Usually she is up and out of her bed no less than ten times a night. It has to stop....so the fact that she is in her bed screaming is theoretically a step in the right direction.

Mealyworm cried when I tucked her in tonight. Crying because she has to go to school tomorrow. She says her teacher is mean and yells at the class. Tells her to "put her hand down" in a mean voice. :( That's horrible to hear and makes a mom's heart ache. Mealyworm says that she doesn't like like learning and sitting still. She says that she doesn't have anyone to play with at recess. Its so painful....I want my babies to be happy. Always. But I'm hoping this is just a bad week...she's been home sick the last two days and so she's been in the "home cocoon"....maybe tomorrow something wonderful will happy for her. I hope so.

Working 8-5pm sucks. I knew that going in....but its a reality again. The great thing about working nights was that I got to pick my kids up at 3pm. They liked it so much better, and so did I. But now they have an extra 2.5 hrs of afterschool care which honestly just drags a bad day out even longer. :(

Aargh. There are no easy answers.

Rolling Stone Magazine

2011-12-12T03:16:00.001-06:00

Seeing a post on Facebook tonight referencing a Tori Amos song from the 90s led me on a stroll down memory lane...

In Junior High I had an awesome Social Studies teacher, Mr. K. He taught us about apartheid. He showed us the U2 - Rattle and Hum video documentary. He showed us the movie, The Killing Fields. He played blues music for us. He opened my mind.

I started subscribing to Rolling Stone Magazine in 8th grade. After my subscription to Thrasher ran out. The REAL Rolling Stone magazine...you know, when it was big and awkward and floppy. I received an education from that subscription. I learned about music, the world and life in those pages.

I continued to subscribe year after year with my birthday money or saved up allowance. Between that and my annual contributions to Greenpeace and WWF, my spending cash took a major hit until started working at Edward's Apple Orchard and then Ambrogio's Pizzeria. Ahhh, Ambrogio's such good times. But that's another story. Subscribing to Rolling Stone led me to...Columbia House. You know the total con of "free" and we'll send out a card each month and all you have to do is say NO you don't want the "monthly selection". Of course we are talking about cassette tapes back then. I have such fond memories of received that first shipment of 15 cassettes. To my recollection I join and re-joined several times in order to received the "free 15" or whatever. Some of the cassettes on my very first order were:
Midnight Oil - Blue Sky Mining
Tori Amos - Under the Pink
Erasure -
Hothouse Flowers -

Fall Prayer

2011-09-21T02:17:00.000-05:00

This was the "Opening Prayer" we read in unison last Sunday....I thought it was beautiful:
O God, this is a month of changes. We can feel it in the cooler air, the drop in humidity, the grey skies.
Some of us found our way back to school in this season, and we all want to learn. Let us all grow in wisdom and maturity.
Some of us are watching the harvest begin, while the gardens of others among us produce less and less. Let all our hearts produce love and kindness.
Many of us are leaving vacations behind, but God, you can keep our lives renewed by filling us with your joy and your rest.
Creative God, every year the world spins through its seasons and every year brings troubles. Steady and soothe your earth that its changes may be good changes and its struggles end in peace.
Loving God, who without change remains our steadfast friend, watch over the changes in our lives. May we stretch and grow but always and ever remain yours, in Christ. Amen.

Espresso Shot #132

2011-09-13T02:31:00.000-05:00

I actually like working this shift. I mean seriously, its great. This post may sound like I'm high on life and drinking WAY too much coffee, but hell....that's all true.

Here's my top 10 list why working from 11:30pm until 7:30am on campus rocks:

#10 Getting up from my late-evening nap and heading out just as my husband hits the hay.....no more "I have a headache tonight". ;)

#9 Drinking a triple-shot Coconut Cappuccino at 1am and actually enjoying every sip.

#8 People watching the Undergrads is actually a trip in and of itself, especially at these hours.

#7 I feel very productive if I do ANYTHING at all while everybody else is sleeping.

#6 Coming home to my cute kids who are all ready for school and EXCITED to see me.

#5 Hugs & Kisses along with well-wishes for a great day go out to my little one and T-Dad and then they pull out.

#4 Walking my big kids leisurely to our neighborhood school and hearing about their dreams, ideas, plans for the day.

#3 Walking home and eating breakfast and crashing in my dark, cool bedroom...alone.

#2 Waking up, checking the clock...and going back to sleep...in the cool, dark bedroom...alone.

#1 Having the late-afternoon and evening with my family, after a not-so-hard day of napping.

Night 1

2011-08-23T13:34:00.001-05:00

So I have my first night under my belt. Working the 3rd shift is like learning a foreign language. Not the actual work, it the understanding your body's internal processes (processi,pl?) I tried to sleep for a few hours before I went in and that only worked moderately well. I felt pretty good for the "busy" part of the night at work. But as the inevitable lull hit I started yawning more and more. And honestly, the 5am-7:30am part of my shift was the hardest. Seeing the sun start to brighten up the night sky around 6am was nice because it meant I was getting closer to the end of shift...but keeping my lids open was brutal. And the last hour is a partial blur, I know I didn't accomplish much. Thank goodness T-Dad went into work late today and was able to take the kiddos to school and the dentist (bad timing on that appt.) because I walked into the house and straight to my bed. I'm too old to pull all-nighters...but I guess that's gotta change.

The Night Shift

2011-08-22T06:07:00.001-05:00

Well, I am up early in the hopes that I will be tired later. That's a funny first. Tonight is the long awaited first night of my new job working "nights". And by nights, I don't mean evening shift, or Late Evening or even late,late night. I mean 11:30 pm - 7:30 am, 5 nights in a row, every week. To be honest, I am excited. I was hired several months ago for nights but I had to work days all summer because my workplace has shortened summer hours, no night shifts. I am very grateful for this job. Having been looking for over a year for something steady, with decent pay and in my field...I know what a rare, special gift the universe has chosen to bestow upon me. And now comes the day of reckoning, the switch to night shift.
I think I will be able to adjust my sleep schedule sufficiently to make it work. I have strange sleep patterns anyway so I am hoping with some minor adjustments my patterns will fall in line with my schedule. The current plan is for me to take the big kids to school in the AM, while T-Dad takes Early Bird to daycare and goes to work himself. Then when I get back from the school drop-off, I will go to bed...in my quiet, dark (light darkening shades), cool bedroom. Waking in the late afternoon to go pick up Bug and Meely from school. Then returning home, messing around with them, preparing dinner, etc. Until T-Dad and E.B. get home. Then dinner with the fam, time for dishes or a quick game,then books andi bedtime for the kiddie and mom. If I get in a couple of hours of sleep in the evening, I think this should go go much smoother. I will wake up 45 min or so before I am due to work,get ready, and head out the door about the time T-Dad turns in for the night.

My Mom, the Style Icon: You're Looking at the Dutch Gloria Steinem

2011-04-28T09:19:00.000-05:00

My new favorite blog...if only I had an ounce of style sense as these ladies!
My Mom, the Style Icon: You're Looking at the Dutch Gloria Steinem

Puzzle Addiction

2011-01-25T21:55:00.004-06:00

We are totally interested in puzzles these days...Bug and Mealyworm can actually help so we're having lots of family time...

State of the Union 2011

2011-01-25T21:32:00.001-06:00

My favorite line from tonight's State of the Union address...

"And yet, as contentious and frustrating and messy as our democracy can sometimes be, I know there isn't a person here who would trade places with any other nation on Earth."

For the full transcript check out NPR's website.

Baby Twins Game

2010-08-19T08:05:00.000-05:00

Baby Twins

I've never been a raver...but I think I would've liked it.

2010-07-24T23:40:00.003-05:00

Change.

2010-07-10T20:57:00.002-05:00

Why is changing so hard? I mean when you really want something to be different, I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY want something to be different. When you're willing to do whatever work it takes and sacrifice the necessary things, etc. Why is it so damn hard? Take for example, I know eating less, eating healthy, and exercising will add years to my life. Seriously, YEARS! Those years could mean the difference between seeing my grandchildren graduating from college or get married or even holding my great grandchildren. What stronger motivator could there possibly be?

The Big Purge

2010-07-06T08:24:00.005-05:00

6 years ago I left my 2 bedroom apartment on the third floor of Library Apartments in Springfield and moved to a 3 bedroom house in Ludlow, IL. Then 3 years later with a giant U-haul truck, and many, many carloads (thank you T-Dad), we moved to our 4 bedroom house. Add in 3 kids... and a hoarding mentality...and we've got enough stuff to provide all the basic essentials to several small villages in Rowanda. Sad, really. And I'm not proud of it. But things are going to change.

I've lead myself to believe that if I have less stuff in my house, my house will be easier to clean. So under that premise (and other belief systems like "less is more", materialism sucks, etc.)...I been have whittling away the extra this and that items all throughout my house for the past 8 wks. With much help from friends and family. Because honestly I am going against the inner workings of my mind here. My mind is locked into "SAVE" position due to some post-depression family genetics or stationary ancient tribe connection, or learned behavior from my own parents. So with each "perfectly good, just old and ugly, extra blanket" or "hard to find and clever kitchen utensil" I have to coach myself through it, keeping my eyes on the prize...I crave simplicity. The stuff has got to go. I yearn for empty spaces and bare walls. I want less. I know that my house will not stay Buddhist sparse forever, or even very long. But that is my goal. And the last 4 four days have been The Big Purge.

An evening of chaos

2010-06-29T17:34:00.002-05:00

Chicago the Cat, Early Bird, Bug and Meelyworm and I walk back from the PBOH (Park Behind Our House) after a not-so-rousing game of tennis (one out-of-bounds ball at a time) and start dinner...I defrost the ground turkey, crush some garlic croutons with a bottle of gatorade, get out the 1/4 watermelon and try to cut it into wedges in between wrestling EB out of the dishwasher (again) and clearing the craft projects and ponytail holders off the kitchen table. Then I stab the bag and put the fresh "french green beans" in the microwave for 3 minutes, while I mix the ground turkey with the fixins to make turkey burger patties...I didn't crush enough croutons, so I grab few pieces of cornbread from take-out 4 days ago (its nice and dried out now). Much hand washing and "raw meat bowl avoidance" later, I get the dishwasher unloaded so that I can finally get the nasty raw meat bowl off the counter. I proceed to load the dishwasher, removable high chair trays, plastic cups, pots, pans, sippy cups and cereal bowls. Mealyworm wants to know if we have those pickles she likes...I say I don't know, she looks in the fridge and finds them all by herself - Bread and Butter Pickles. Yeah, big girl! Bug shouts from the family room - "It Keeps Skipping." I get the baby out of the dishwasher, put the soap in and start it. Bug yells, "its stuck, i give up, i'm going to put in Scooby Doo". I yell back, "OK." I get the green beans out of the microwave. T-Dad comes home, "I stopped at the store and got some extra fixins for our burger night". Great, thank you. He goes out and turns on the grill. I find a recipe one of the old church standby cookbooks for Green Bean Casserole. Yeah, we have all the ingredients! T-Dad comes in and gets changed into casual clothes. Mealyworm comes into the kitchen and eats another couple of pickles. I open the can of mushroom soup and mix it with the milk and half the fried onion things, and put it in the microwave. Early Bird reaches up to the counter and pulls the entire jar of pickles down. Pickles, pickle juice, everywhere. T-Dad takes the burgers outside and puts them on the grill. I send the older kids outside "to be with their dad". I change Early Bird, wash off the pickle juice and pickle smell the best I can. Get the mushroom soup mix out of the microwave...not hot enough. Put it in for another 3 minutes. I finish clearing the kitchen table, ask Mealyworm to put the plates on. I mix in the mushroom stuff with the green beans, top with the rest of the onions and put it in the oven. T-Dad comes in with the burgers. EarlyBird pulls over the small fish tank I put on the back porch early today (knowing in the back of my mind this was a baaaaad idea). The fish are safe in 1/2 inch of water at the bottom. But EB is soaked and stinky again. I strap her into her high chair while I get the fish some more water. T-Dad gets the big kids seated at the table and prepares their plates. I get the fish tank squared away and wash my hands really, really well. I get out the green bean casserole from the oven, thankful that I heated the soup up an extra time, because its at least warm now. I sit down to eat, and notice all three kids eating watermelon...so many things wrong with this...they should eat the burger first, they should eat the homemade green beans casserole first, they should drink their milk, but the number one thing....that I failed to notice until 15 minutes later....the baby should have her hands washed and new clothes because she smells like rotten fish.

Blogging always starts with a Blank Box

2010-03-23T04:37:00.003-05:00

I miss you...blank text box. I miss the endless possibilities you hold. I miss the invitation to introspection that you offer. I miss the chance to organize, analyze, and most of the time to simply determine my thoughts in a space that is simultaneously all mine and everyone elses.

Welcome back into my life, blank blog box.

Red Box Movies

2010-03-03T08:49:00.001-06:00

I love Red Box movies. You can get current stuff for $1 a night. We are currently watching Ponyo and it just came out yesterday!

Save Illinois Libraries

2010-01-19T13:19:00.000-06:00

What is influencing my kids?

2009-10-20T21:42:00.006-05:00

Up until the day before Early Bird was born, I worked full-time outside the home. And my kids were in daycare 45+ hours a week. They spent the bulk of their "awake" time with other people. I got about 2 hours each evening and an hour in the morning, and weekends. That's not a lot of time. It was hard on me, everyday talking them into "going to school". And my mother heartstrings were pulled taut and tight often. I worried about all other kids and adults influencing/impressing my little "blank slate" kids. Now I'm a stay at home mom. I get to be with my kids all day, every day. Bug, of course, goes to kindergarten now and Mealyworm has preschool for 2.5 hrs every day. But I get so much more time with my kids. Now I worry about how I am influencing/impressing them. I am so not a great role model for my kids. The theory out there is that being home with your kids is such a great thing for them...well, I'm not convinced. Their old daycare center seemed way more on top of teaching everyday life skills.

One Week Boutique

2009-10-07T14:14:00.002-05:00

I just found out, in case you've been wondering...The Fall One Week Boutique will be happening...here's the scoop: Public shopping dates will be November 13-15 (Fri-Sun). The sale will be held in Mahomet at 201 N. Prairieview Road (just off Rt. 150 & I-74). It was the former D&D grocery store. Along with a new email system is a new barcode tagging system. This system is going to make for much speedier checkout lines at the sale -Yeah!

If you wish to consign:

You need to go to the Registration page at www.oneweekboutique.com and click on "Register to be a Consignor". Everyone is getting a new number in the new system. Even if you have consigned in the past, you must register to get a new number (your old number will not work).

Super Lucky or Super Cool

2009-10-04T07:59:00.006-05:00

Recently, I had the unexpected, but much appreciated honor of attending a CU Parent Bloggers gathering at B. Lime. B. Lime, A Green Store, is a great store that I'd love to buy presents for everybody I know at. I was super lucky and got to meet a bunch of super cool bloggers. Check out these CU blogs:
Multi-minding Mom
Little Blog on the Prairie
Midwest Moms
Mommy, Queen of Everything
Sulking in Illinois
Midwest Neurotica
Chicken and Cheese
Larkin's Place
Rayne of Terror
Looseyfur's Midwest Adventures
2 Kids, 3 Cats and a blog
The Fabulous Follies of a Freaky Family

And we got to nibble on great treats from Cakes on Walnut and Boltini's....mmmmm.

And when all was said and done for the evening...we went home with our hands full of goodies. Thank you, thank you to the generous givers of stuff including, but not limited to:
Johnson & Johnson
LaundryTree
BlogCatalog
OfficeMax
1800flowers

Hall Pass

2009-09-30T10:23:00.004-05:00

I asked my husband the other day, "Honey, do you think its weird that your wife is completely tuckered out at 9 pm and goes to bed?" His response, "Yes, I think its weird." So I laughed and in my head decided I should try to make an effort to stay up later...So last night, after Biggest Loser, when T-Dad said, "Let's watch W. , we just got it from Netflix." I said, "Sure, sounds good."
Flash forward to this morning...
Early Bird wakes up early for a feeding. T-Dad's alarm goes off at some ungodly, still dark outside hour, baby starts crying. Finally baby is back to sleep in my bed, how can such a little baby take up sooooo much space in a queen size bed. I manage to nod off for another half an hour, hitting snooze twice and then completely turning the alarm off. Only to wake 10 minutes before I need to get all three kids out the door to get everyone to school on time! Aaargh!
Bug was late to school for the first time today. He had to go in to the office and get a pass and everything. Poor kid.

Moral of the story: Staying up late when you're tired, gets tomorrow off to a bad start.

OR

Mommy gets to go to bed whenever she wants to.

Am I Blogger or a woman with thoughts that need to be dumped somewhere?

2009-09-23T10:04:00.006-05:00

When I was in 6th grade, I subscribed to Thrasher magazine and bought a used Powell & Peralta skateboard. I lived in the country. Surrounded by farmhouses and fields of corn/beans/cows/horses. I rode my skull & sword skateboard with my blue "cons" on, up and down that country road...but was I really a skater? I mean, come on, you can say it...I was a poser. I didn't beg my mom to drive me into the city skateparks so I could learn new tricks or meet up with some other sk8 dudes. I just rolled back & forth on my board in front of my gravel driveway.

So the question I'm pondering now is if I blog on the Internet am I a blogger? Blogs can be so many different things...daily journals, homework lists, recipe reviews, weather analysis, etc. All those blogs have a clear purpose. Some postings may be short and sweet, others rambling and drawn out. But they all tie into a specific theme. But what about me...I'm a "fair/sour weather friend" blogger...when I've got something in my life I want to pour into words or cute pictures of my kids, I blog. But many a day go by without a blog post because I'm too busy, not feeling literary, too mad, too sad, too happy, plain old lazy. Am I a poser blogger? Is there a "true blogger" community? If there is, are the criteria things like: write in complete sentences, spell correctly, write in complete thoughts, have a clear point to your writing, include world events and philosophy, clearly state opinions and observations, etc. Boy, by that definition, I'm so not a true blogger. I can barely get the words on the screen, let alone have them mean something half the time. But hey, a book is still a book even if the author just scribbles on the pages and no one ever reads it right...

Maybe instead of just rolling past my gravel driveway on my skateboard I had actually spoken with some other skaters, I could have learned a thing or two about skateboarding and become an actually skateboarder...Maybe I should get out there and mingle with some other bloggers...hmmm.

Mealyworm at Ballet

2009-09-21T10:35:00.003-05:00

Doing her own thing...but loving every minute of it.

Early Bird Milestones

2009-09-10T11:30:00.002-05:00

Early Bird just passed the 7 month mark. Crazy, I know. We had her 6 month checkup (a month late) this week and she's doing great. She's 26 inches tall and 18.5 lbs. She's got 2 little teeth on the bottom. She's rolling front to back and then back to front. Any human being that comes within 5 ft of her receives a big open-mouthed grin, saying "Hey, look at me!". She can even sit up for about 15 seconds before rolling to the side and on her back (or face, oops.) She's eating rice cereal and oatmeal & bananas cereal like a champ. As far as other foods, so far she's had and liked for the most part...peas, squash, bananas, pears, and carrots. And didn't really enjoy avacado, which is weird I think. Maybe I didn't get it smooth enough. It is really cute to see her interacting with Bug and Mealy Worm. They love to talk in her "language" of random low & high pitched sounds. Car rides are a symphonic experience these days. It is really fun having a little one again. It is really hard and tiring, but totally worth it. I mean really, just one of those open-mouthed grins and all the tough stuff just melts away.

Grossest Thing Ever

2009-09-09T09:15:00.004-05:00

From Desiderata...
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

So I've been thinking alot about how different families live. I'm an analyzer...and "my life" is most often the subject of my analysis. When I was growing up, I went to a friend's house after Kindergarten everyday. We rode the bus and I got off at her house and her mom watched me until my mom got off work. It was fun. She had a younger brother. He typically toddled around in just his diaper. Sometimes he took his diaper off. One day we were watching TV and he pooped on the rug. It was gross. But what was grosser...when my friend's mom saw it, she came right over and picked the poop up with her bare hands! At the time and for years after, I thought that was the grossest thing EVER. Funny how now that I have 3 kids and pets...that doesn't seem like the grossest thing ever anymore. I've never done that but I'm sure some things I've done have come pretty close on the "grossest thing ever" scale.

The first full week

2009-09-03T21:29:00.004-05:00

Exhausted. That's me (almost) at the end of the first full week of Kindergarten for Bug and daily Preschool (2.5 hrs/day) for Mealyworm. I love being within walking distance of both schools, but man I'm beat. I drove to pick up Mealyworm a couple of times and T-Dad did drop off on Wednesday, but other than that...I've walked. Its been really good for me and fun.

Walk to the elementary school with Bug on his bike and the girls in the stroller.
Walk to preschool.
Walk home.
Kill 2.5 hrs.
Walk to preschool.
Walk home.
Kill 4.5 hrs.
Walk to elementary school.
Walk home.

That feeling.

2009-08-27T19:48:00.001-05:00

Ugh. Its happened again. I'm inadequate. My kids are awful. Their behavior is atrocious. And I just don't know what the fuck to do about it. I try to parent, punish, discipline, instill the right values, teach the good lessons, lead by good example, look both ways before I cross the street, hold hands in the parking lot, brush your teeth at bedtime AND in the morning, wash your hands before dinner, wipe your butt until there is no poop on the toilet paper, ask in a nice way, use your words, hands are not for hitting, etc. etc. etc. But it isn't always just screaming and running around in restaurants, or the skid marks in their underwear. Today, my kid decided he was curious if the neighbor's garage door was hard...so he repeatedly rammed his brand new scooter into it until the said neighbor poked his head out the door to see what the noise was. Mind you I was there, outside in the driveway watching him, but my huge, honking mini-van blocked my view of the top of my neighbor's driveway for this critical 15 seconds in time. And so wouldn't you know it...the brand-new scooter left several marks and small dents on the 1 day old paint job on the less than a year old garage door. And the neighbor wasn't too happy. And as I stood next to my neighbor looking at the damaged garage door, repeatedly saying I'm sorry, I couldn't see him for a minute and I'll repaint your garage door, and I'm really sorry...blah, blah, blah. I had "that feeling". That sinking feeling, that feeling that I know I did something wrong, but I don't know any way to fix it. And I never thought that feeling could get any worse...I've experienced it many times and hate it every time. But it does get worse...what's worse is when its something your kid did. How can I fix it? How can I return the world to the way it was 3 minutes ago? Why don't I know the right way to handle this? Why did I let this happen in the first place? Why did I get him a new scooter? Why doesn't he respect other people's property? Why aren't I stricter? I need to be stricter. I need more rules. I'm ephasizing the wrong rules. I need simpler rules. I need to watch him EVERY second. I need to keep him in the driveway. I need to keep him in the house. I have no business raising three children. I can't even keep the litter box clean. I'm stuck. I'm in this...I'm a parent...I want to do a good job...I want good kids...I'm so inadequate, but I don't have a choice. I'm it, I'm a parent and tomorrow is another day.

Boy Toys

2009-08-22T14:18:00.001-05:00

I find myself buying toys for Bug all the time. I don't know if its because he's the oldest and his tastes are clearly defined or because he's a boy and boy toys are everywhere...or if this is some kind of subconscience favoritism. I'm trying to be more mindful of this...in case one of the girls starts to notice.

Its my blog, so I can bitch if I want to.

2009-08-11T08:06:00.002-05:00

Since my last post, T-Dad and I established some daily chores that he does and daily chores that I do. The intent was to try REALLY hard to do them all once a day for 30 days to make them a habit...and then we could re-evaluate and see if they needed to be tweaked. These are the specific tasks we discussed and assigned to each person:
T-Dad's Daily Chore List included...
1. The Bathroom (spray/wipe the counter, around the toilet and shower with Clorox Go Anywhere)
2. Load the washing machine and move clothes to the dryer at least once a day.
3. Once a week mow the lawn.
4. Once a week take the trash to the curb.
(Work outside the home 40 hrs/wk, commute to work 1 hr roundtrip 5 days a week, random "odd jobs" around the house suited to his skills)

My Daily Chore List included...
1. Clear/wipe the table after meals and stay on top of the dishes.
2. Fold and put away all the laundry.
3. Keep the living room picked up.
4. Scoop the litter box as needed.
(And exclusively breastfeeding a small infant, being the sole caretaker of 3 young children most of every day, random odd jobs around the house suited to my skills)

As you can guess, we did pretty well for the first 5-7 days...and then things started to wane. I reminded T-Dad to do his chores once or twice. And I barely got any laundry folded and the living room was messy all week. But I did a decent job staying on top of the dishes.

So then...I just returned from a visit to my parents. I left my house on Wednesday morning about 7am and returned on Monday at around 5pm. If you count it out, its about 5.5 days. That is 5.5 days that T-Dad had the house to himself. Mind you, he had to work on most of the days. And to just to be clear, being at anyone's house for 5.5 days isn't a walk in the park with 3 small children. I was the primary disciplinarian, food provider, comforter, etc. with help from my family.

So I returned to my house yesterday to find it a mess. There were still dishes with encrusted cereal (from before we left) on the counter, the living room/hallway was still littered with toys and crap and there were no groceries in the house. T-Dad did do things while we were gone...he folded a bunch of laundry and even put some of the kids' clothes in thier drawers, he did maybe 1 load of dishes, vacuumed by the table, he picked up the kids room enough so he could move thier beds into bunk beds (all by himself) and then last night while I went grocery shopping, he did another load of dishes.
So I come back from grocery shopping and he has the TV on and the chess board set up and want to play chess. How sweet. He said, "Do you want to play chess?" and I said, "No, I want to punch you in the face." But I sat down and made my fist move. And then he made a move. And he said, "I guess I could have gotten more done but I thought I did pretty well. " I said, "Look around you (piles of crap and toys everywhere)And he said, "I don't think you have any reason to be mad, you said you were going to pick up the living room last week and you haven't folded any laundry since we started out "new jobs"." I replied calmly, "You're right I haven't stayed with it like I should have. I was just hoping with 5 days by yourself, you might make some more progress on the house." His response, "I did about what I expected to get done and I think its enough. It was a pretty "even mix" between working and relaxing." I just stared blankly at him...and eventually got up and went to the car to bring in my suitcases and ignored him. Mostly I didn't say anything because...I think I say too much sometimes. He had some very good points and he had actually done a fair amount. But what pissed me off most...it became obvious that we don't share the same life view. I want the house to be picked up and nice looking because that's the way it should be, that's the way the kids like it, that's the way I like it, etc. He pickes up and does chores because...I put it on a list. WTF. Why doesn't he care about having a nice looking house? Why doesn't he think "Hey Lav Lem would really appreciate it if I picked up the house before she came home?"

Apparently T-Dad is pissed at me because I'm pissed at him. He slept on the couch downstairs last night. The reason I'm mad...I resent the fact that I have to change my lazy ways in order to give my children the house and life I feel they should have. My resentment is directed at him. I don't really know why...I guess I thought we were both "in this together" so what I suffered, he would also suffer through. But really...that's not the way it is. I know that I want my house to be a certain way, and honestly, we've got a long way to go before its there. But I am really trying to change my "messy ways" and I think T-Dad should too. But he's not, he's contentedly remaining lazy and messy and I have to do all the work. (Okay, that's not a true statement, I don't do ALL the work...just most of it.:)

Sometimes I feel like Pond Scum

2009-07-23T08:59:00.002-05:00

Okay, I'm the laziest person on the planet and in my infinite good fortune, I happened to find and marry the 2nd laziest person on the planet. Our courtship was unique, living in seperate cities we worked our jobs during the week and got together on weekends. The time together was spent lazing about the apartment (either his or mine) and we played games, watched movies, read books, took naps, dined out or ordered in, microwaved popcorn, etc. And we were content. We didn't nag each other or berate one another for not "trying harder". We were happy, it was fun. Fast forward and add a marriage license and three kids...we're still trying to live the lazy life and its not working out so well. Things need to get done, get washed, get dried, get picked up, get put away, get ordered, get mailed, get scheduled, get attended and so on. And things are not so content anymore. And there is a whole lot of nagging and berating going on. And things aren't going well. And I'm not happy, and it isn't fun. When I imagine the apparently well known, yet unpublished list of Essential Duties That Must Be Done Daily in a Home, I know we are behind on all of them. I suck and it sucks. I don't want to change but I have to. And it isn't easy changing. And it isn't fast. And its a painful. Because honestly if you take away our carefree and easy-going nature and replace it with a schedule and list of rules...what have you got? ...
I don't know. And I'm afraid to find out.

And its not equal anymore. I can't even use the "we" pronoun. Its "me". I'm the mother of these children. I'm suppose to make sure that the necessary things get done. If my new age husband agrees to help with any small or large aspect of the chore list, that's super. But ultimately, if there's cracker crumbs all over the carpet and the kids are wearing mismatched socks...who do people judge? The father...oh,no. Its the mother. Always the mother. Its a tall order to be a Mother, even if you don't count the actual "child-rearing duties". So many unwritten codes and policies that honestly I don't give a damn about...except...apparently I am being judged by them and failing. And that matters to me.

money

2009-07-22T08:48:00.001-05:00

Wish i had some, no change that, wish I had approximately $30,000.

Where to begin?

2009-07-19T22:44:00.003-05:00

Wow. I really don't know where to begin to catch up on this blog. But I feel like I need to. I feel like it helps me to write it down and let it go. It makes the "growing process" more official, more real. And ultimately that's what life is all about isn't it...growth. Some take it more seriously than others mind you...because we all know of people who seem totally and hopelessly stuck in their 2ND grade/high school/sorority girl stage.

Back to MY growth...

True fact: My children are an extension of me.
Analysis: People in the world see a child as a reflection/extension of the parent. Be it good or bad...what that child does, the parent played a hand. Honestly, right now this sucks for me. And its painful. I've always had a hard time with the whole "I married T-Dad so for some reason people think we "think" alike." Uh, no, that's not true. But now my children's behavior...aargh. I am looking forward to that time when my son graduates with honors OR is voted MVP for his lacrosse team and people congratulate "me" for raising such a fine lad.

True fact: A stay-at-home mom is responsible for the cleanliness of the home.
Analysis: Wow. That's a lot. And I admit, not my strong suit. But buckaroos...I can change. I am taking on a 30 day challenge to stay ON TOP OF the dishes and the laundry. Watch me fly.

True fact: T-Dad is wimpy when he's sick.
Analysis: I can't change this so I better get over it.

Illinois Marathon - belated

2009-06-09T14:40:00.006-05:00

Bug and T-Dad participated in the Illinois Marathon Youth Run on April 11, 2009. I missed it. We were home celebrating my birthday with my aunt, her aunt in law, her fiance and my folks...and Mealyworm and Early Bird. :) The pictures are worth a thousand words though...(I'm a few months behind...but these were so cute.)

Stretching is very important before a big run.

They ran into Memorial Stadium.

T-Dad got to run with Bug the whole way.

Bug was really proud of his accomplishment...and so was T-Dad. :)

All the kids who participated got a really nice medal, t-shirt and shoulder sack.

Coolest Cat

2009-05-17T21:10:00.002-05:00

We don't deserve the coolest cat in the world. Bug is harrassing her all the time. Hopefully she will continue to be cool and not get warped into some grouchy, recluse cat.

Perceptive Little Punk

2009-05-04T21:29:00.002-05:00

So Mealyworm picks up my body language and I'm not happy about it. I can't be bitchy anymore. I can't be pissed off about nothing or irritated by typical toddler behavior. I can't roll my eyes at my own stupidity, curse my husband (under my breath) or groan with annoyance at the idiocy of drivers. She's all over me like a fly on poop. She says.."Are you happy, Mommy?" and I pause and wonder...do I tell the truth or do I lie. And then if her behavior in anyway has caused my "unhappiness" she asks "Do you want to be my friend, Mommy?" and depending on the severity of her infraction of the rules OR my own annoyance level...I find myself, again, wondering, do I tell the truth or do I lie?

I'm always tempted to be selfish and shout - "No, I am not happy. I am far from happy. There is nothing right now that is remotely happy. Thanks for asking, Mealyworm."
And as for "Do I want to be your friend?" - "No, I don't want to be friends with a little brat who won't leave her pacifier in her bed like I asked a million times, who eats her big brothers candy that he has hidden in his "secret" spot, who gets into my purse and chews 5 pieces of gum at one time, who hits the cat and pokes her baby sister in the eye. Really, that's not my idea of a "friend." But thanks for asking."

But (usually) I respond - "Yes, Mealyworm, I'm happy. Mommy is just frustrated right now because blah, blah, blah. But I'm happy."
And as for do I want to be your friend? "Yes, Mealyworm, I want to be your friend. I'm happy to be your mommy and I will always be your #1 fan. I am your friend in the truest sense...I'm your mom and will always love you."

I guess sometimes when I think I'm lying, its really the truth deep down.

Knitting

2009-05-02T20:51:00.001-05:00

My mom is an awesome knitter. She learned to knit a long time ago, even knitted my dad a sweater in college ( that I wore all the time when I was in high school). But she was out of the knitting phase when I was growing (and totally into sewing...all our clothes). So I actuaaly learned how to knit when I was in Germany. My German exchange friend, Silke, taught me how to do it. And shortly there after, my mom picked up her needles again and has been knitting ever since. on her most recent visit she finished knitting a blanket for Mealyworm's baby dolls. Very cute. Here's Mealyworm giving it a whirl...

Early Bird

2009-04-23T16:32:00.002-05:00

A little ditty I wrote when Early Bird was born...

10 fingers, 10 toes. A beating heart and a button nose. So small, and sleepy and honestly frail. But not a detail was missed, not even a fingernail.

Crying baby and a smile

2009-04-21T22:15:00.003-05:00

What's been going on with Early Bird...

Colic. She cries all the time in the evening. She screams bloody murder and tightens every little muscle in her small body, fighting the pain in her tummy. She looks at me with this pissed off scowl and screams in high-pitched newborn caterwauling, with every ounce she's got -

What the &@%$ is going on! I'm in pain, something hurts. Why? WTF, mama?

On a good note...she naps alot during the day. AND...

The other day, she smiled at me. Such a precious reward.

My baby boy is 5

2009-04-21T22:08:00.005-05:00

Yep, he's 5. He is totally ready. Five is what he is. He doesn't act like a 4 year old. In fact, I'd say he hasn't acting four for months now. He's officially a five-year-old now. He was born at 10:11 pm. Congratulations, Bug.

Week 4 - Calgon take me away.

2009-04-13T19:48:00.002-05:00

Okay...it should be easier. We should be in a "routine" of some kind. My house should be cleaner than ever with my being off work for like 2 months. But uh...no. None of the above. Aaargh!
Its terrible when you really try to force your 2 year old to sit and watch TV. I find myself wishing she would get fixated on the television, like her older brother...so that I could accomplish something...anything! But who am I kidding...if she and her older brother were both sitting transfixed to the TV...the newborn would be wailing or the cat would be puking or the washing maching overflowing, etc. I need to be better about just getting stuff done despite the circumstances...hmpf.

A Revelation

2009-04-08T08:08:00.003-05:00

Ooooohhh, I get it now. Being a stay at home mother means you have to do EVERYTHING. Cook, clean, plan activities, take kids to doctor appts, grocery shop, get things fixed, etc. At least when I worked, my husband chipped in a little. But now that I have all this time at home...I have to do everything. Well, at least now I know.

Wit's end

2009-04-06T14:03:00.002-05:00

Okay, so she did it again! Mealyworm opened the window and screen in her room and threw toys out! Mind you this is a 2nd floor window...with a concrete patio underneath! Aargh! Mealyworm will be 3 in about 5 wks. And its like talking to a puppy...she just doesn't listen. She doesn't care what toy I take away, what "treat" she's not going to get, blah, blah, blah. Mind you she is sad when mommy is mad, but it doesn't stop her from doing it the next time...I swear, she's going to push me over the edge of insanity.

I'm gonna' smoke the whole world

2009-04-04T17:15:00.008-05:00

Necessary Background Info: Bug gets tired in the afternoons, but its hard work to get him to take a nap. So since I've been staying home with him, to make it easier on him...and me...we've (I've) decided that Tues/Thurs are napping days and M/W/F are "quiet time" days. He can play quietly in his room for an hour by himself.
Setting: After lunch on Monday. Mealyworm has brought in the "Dora Van" from the living room to play with in her bed. (I'm fine with this because she falls asleep in like 5 min every day regardless of what toy she has in her bed.) Once Bug has discovered she has the van, of course he wants it. And a temper tantrum begins, but I hold my ground and even after Mealyworm falls asleep, I refuse to go in there and get the damn van for him. Its the principle. I'm trying to nurse Miranda or something and Bug keeps coming out of his room issuing demands...

Sooooo...the following discussion occurs, I'll say he was persistant:

Disturbance #1
Bug: I want the Dora van! Waaaa, boo hooo. (much yelling and gnashing of teeth)
Me: Bug, please go in your room for quiet time. Mealyworm asked to play with the van first, so she gets the van. (I essentially say this same thing repeatedly for the next 5 disturbances, amazingly enough, I was pretty calm and not screaming hardly at all.)

Distrubance #2
Bug: I want the Dora van! If you give me the van, I'll clean my whole room! (he amazingly enough likes to clean his room during "quiet time" who knows how I gave birth to a neat freak, but its wonderful)
Me: see above

Disturbance #3
Bug: I want the Dora van! If you give me the van, I'll clean the whole house! (if I actually thought he would follow through with it, I totally would have caved at this point.)
Me: see above

Distrubance #4
Bug: I want the Dora van! If you don't give me the van, I'll make a big mess of my room, of the WHOLE house! (clever little brat, switching it up like that.)
Me: see above

Disturbance #5
Bug: I want the Dora van! If you don't give me the van, I'm going to smoke. I'm going to smoke when I grow bigger. I'm gonna' smoke all day. I'm gonna' smoke the whole world! (I have no idea why he chose this moment in time to pull out this topic from a very brief discussion we had on smoking from like a year ago. I'm quite happy he's still a little fuzzy on the details of "smoking".)
Me: see above (trying to hide my shock and a little smile)

You never can guess what these crazy kids will say next.

Fast food, oops.

2009-03-25T20:23:00.003-05:00

So I'm torn...being a stay-at-home mom is a balance...you've got to find out the right amount of getting out of the house and chillin' at home for your pack of hoodlums. It isn't an easy formula to just apply to your life...you've got to test it out and unfortunately, it probably changes depending on various other life factors (teething, getting sick, not sleeping well, etc.). So I'm working that out. I'm a better mom if I'm out of the house some. But I'm more laid back and "fun" if we're just hanging out at home. The kids get cabin fever if we stay home too much, but they get over-stimulated, exhausted, cranky, "out of whack" if we go out too much. So we'll see if we ever find the right balance.
Today, Wednesday...
1. Marshmallow Mateys for bfast
2. Lots of morning PBS on TV
3. At the suggestion of my awesome neighbor, we went to the library for Toddler Time story hour - today's theme, Birthdays. It went surprisingly well. Thank goodness Early Bird slept the entire time.
4. I rewarded myself for surviving a trip to the library with all 3 kids - we went to the Taco Bell drive thru...and I enjoyed the entire 10 minutes I had to wait in the drive thru lane, relative peace and quiet.
5. Eating the tacos at home.
6. Rest Time for Mealyworm. Quiet Time for Bug. Nursing/burping/crying time for Early Bird. (This part of the day is the worst. I really wanted to lay down with Mealyworm and take a rest, but EB wouldn't have it.)
7. Watched about 1/2 of AirBud, played with LEGOs, colored w/ markers.
8. Played outside in the front of the house.
9. Went to the park behind our house.
10. Watched the rest of AirBud until T-Dad got home.

Whew, another day down. I have a hard time imagining my life like this for the next 5 years. I guess we just take it one day at a time.

Day 2 - Much better

2009-03-24T19:31:00.005-05:00

Okay so yesterday, my first day as a stay-at-home mom, went...not so well. I got some weird virus, from T-Dad who was violently vomiting Friday night, and felt like total crap. I asked T-Dad to leave work early and come home, in other words, I had to call in the reserves. But Day 2...much better.
1. French Toast for breakfast
(several hours of PBS cartoons...I'm working on that, I swear)
2. A trip (with all 3 children) to the new Meijer - Impressive, I know.
3. Lunch - Hot dogs, cottage cheese and grapes.
4. Naps - all around, I actually convinced Bug to nap, it took some work. But I am going to try to get him to actually sleep on Tues/Thurs so that he can stay up a little later. T-Dad works late on Tues.
5. Craft Time - painting (painting is a special treat because its such a pain...but today I used it as a reward for being so good at Meijer)
(and another 45 min of PBS cartoons)
6. Washing the LEGOs - 2 kids, double sink, warm soapy water, LOTS of sticky LEGOs
7. Trip to the Park behind our house
8. Dinner - Pasta, bananas and raw veggies w/ dip
9. Play with the clean LEGOs and watch AirBud, the movie

Finally T-Dad is home...7:30pm. Whew. I survived.

Early Bird Update

2009-03-19T10:59:00.003-05:00

Everyone is enjoying the sunshine this week. :)

Big Yawn.

Life is Good

2009-03-16T07:56:00.005-05:00

I love all the 'Life is Good' clothing, mugs, bags, etc. Combining a positive, non-religious, non-drug condemning/condoning message on comfortable,casual clothes. Perfect. I wish I would have thought of that idea because I'd be rich. The weather is warming up, I have one more week at home with just the baby and me...and then it gets even better...albeit a little more challenging...but then my "big kids" get to stay home too! I'm really excited and very nervous...I actually went to Mrs. B's School Supplies teacher store (the one by Yours, Mine & Ours) last week to buy some incentive charts and stickers, etc. And I want to come up with a daily schedule and try to stick with it (that's hard for me, I like to "switch things up regularly"). I'm thinking something like this might be good for starters...
Wake Up
Get out of bed, Make Bed
Put Clothes On.
Eat Breakfast
Play Outside/Craft Time
Eat Lunch
Nap/Quiet Time
Play Outside/Craft Time
Snack/Movie Time (while I make dinner)
Dinner
um, okay..I don't know when to start the timeline. Do I let the kids sleep in as late as they want or do I wake them up at a certain time? Do we get clothes on right away or do we hang out in our pajamas for a few hours? Do I actually cook breakfast (because I'm home and all) or do we eat cold cereal and bananas? So many ways this could go...I just want it to be a positive experience for them and for me. Not an experience we all regret because Mommy turns into a screaming banshee and the small children become replicas of Dennis the Menace.

Life Goes On

2009-03-05T07:43:00.003-06:00

While I've been busy...lots of things have been going on in the world...and in my friends' lives. I'm so behind. I hope that my friend has a good surgery today. And I hope that my other friend is perserving on her healthy eating plan. And I hope that my friend training for the half-marathon is staying on track. And I hope that I can get caught up with all my friends soon.

Early Bird - Day 17

2009-02-24T14:33:00.006-06:00

Here we are at Day 17...sorry its been so long since I posted. Its been more of the same the last week or so. Early Bird has 8 feedings a day and its "doctor's orders" that she "nipple 8 out of 8" so that means...at the appropriate feeding time (every 3 hours) the nurse/parent gives her a bottle (almost all the time containing breastmilk - woo-hoo, my milk has come all the way in.) and then its a numbers game...Early Bird drinks as much of the bottle as she wants (or can possibly stay awake for) and then the rest goes into her tummy through her feeding tube. And until she gets 75% of her total daily calories from those bottle feedings (not what goes in the tube) she can't bust out of the joint.

Its hard for premature babies to get the hang of "suck, swallow, breath". And that's what drinking a bottle is all about. In the womb, babies are developing that reflex right around 35-36 wks, while floating in a bath of amniotic fluid...but with EB having entered the world around 34 wks...she has to learn this skill in a different way (every 3 hours with a latex nipple and breastmilk) and at a different time (NOW!).

But the good news is...
Day 14 - 64% of her feedings from the bottle/breast
Day 15 - 72% of her feedings from the bottle/breast
Day 16 - 82% of her feedings from the bottle/breast

The end is in sight...they pulled out her feeding tube yesterday at the 6pm feeding and she's been keeping her numbers up. They are going to keep watching her for another 24-48 hours and if all goes well...she's going to be pushed out of the NICU nest and ready to fly on her own (at home with us). :)

Our Family - Early Bird Day 8

2009-02-16T10:37:00.001-06:00

Last night, we all visited Early Bird. We prepared the kids for double hand washing and quiet voices...and all went to NICU. Here's our first family portrait.

Early Bird is doing really well. She's getting the hang of the bottle/breast feeding, slowly but surely.

Early Bird report for Day 6

2009-02-13T20:58:00.002-06:00

Today was a pretty good day. We spoke with one of the physician's assistant who was rounding this morning. She said Early Bird was doing well, but that she was at about 25% bottle feeding and before she goes home, she needs to be at 75% to get discharged. That really made it all set in...she will probably be in the NICU for at least another week. :{
I'm exhausted tonight.

Panda is Early Bird - Day 5

2009-02-12T21:58:00.005-06:00

Well, we got some bad news overnight when I called her nurse to check on her at 3am. She had had several "residuals" overnight and they were kinda big. But when we got there at 8am, Early Bird was alert and ready to eat. So we bottle fed some bmilk and then she got to just lay on my chest snoozing. It was bliss. We got to talk to the Neonatologist when he came around to check on her. He was nice and said that her billirubin labs came back and that she could get out of the box and into a crib. Her billirubin count yesterday was 14.7 and today it was 7. So that is so wonderful. :) At the 11 o' clock feeding I got to try nursing. :) She did really well and took in 14 mL. Yeah. Then throughout the day she was very sleepy and took in her feedings with a bottle or straight into her gastric tube. She seemed pretty content sleeping the day away.

Panda/Early Bird - Day 4

2009-02-11T22:16:00.005-06:00

Today was kind of hard. I got a couple of updates from her night nurse throughout the night and she seemed to be doing pretty well. But when we arrived at the NICU she was "in the box". Her labs had come back and her biliruben count had jumped 1.75 points in a day, so they wanted her under the most intensive UV rays they have. Fortunately, they let me hold her for the 8 am feeding with a bottle of bmilk. And she did really well. But then she went right into the box and I didn't get to hold her again until the 8pm feeding. :( The lights were so bright it wasn't even much fun to sit by her beside and watch her. But we did a fair amount of that anyway. My milk has pretty much come in, so I'm getting more for her feedings. Hopefully soon she won't have any formula supplements. :) We'll hope for no Light Box tomorrow.

Panda - Day 3

2009-02-10T11:06:00.005-06:00

Yeah, we made it to the NICU in time for her feeding and I had enough breastmilk for a full feeding! Woo-hoo. It was a banner moment. :) She doesn't have any tubes in her nose this morning! They took out the forced oxygen and she's totally breathing and maintaining her oxygen levels on her own. Yeah. Unfortunately, she has to have her IV moved...again. Awful. I might get to feed her with a bottle at the next feeding. :) More later.

12:45 pm
Great News...they decided to keep her IV out and increase her feedings. So as long as her "residuals" (the stuff that doesn't get digested in her stomach) stay low, no more IV fluids. :) This is awesome news. And I got to feed her Bmilk with a bottle. :) She gobbled 22 mL down and then fell into such a deep sleep the rest went into her feeding tube. Which, by the way, they moved from her mouth to her nose, yeah! It annoyed her laying on her tongue and she'd gag on it occassionally. Not fun. And now...she is wearing clothes! She actually has on some of the NICU wardrobe...a cute pink sleeper. Yeah.

10:30pm
T-Dad and I just got back from the NICU. Fortunately, my sister flew in from PA on Sunday night to help us out. Its been so awesome to have her here and offering moral support, kid help, household help, "drink your water" help, etc. Now on to the important Panda News...
T-Dad feed her a bottle of bmilk, 34 mL, at the 2:00 pm feeding and she drank the whole bottle in 12 minutes! He says it was amazing. She is doing so well. Tonight, I fed her another bottle of bmilk and she drank all 34 mL. Unfortunately, her billirubin is high so she is having to wear a special blanket that has fiber optic UV lights to get rid of the billi rubin. Hopefully when I check in on her later..her billirupin counts will be down. Other than that she is doing really well. And she's opening her eyes more and more. They are still "newborn" blue.

Panda - Day 2

2009-02-10T11:01:00.002-06:00

I visited the Premature Panda the NICU at 2:00 am this morning. The nurse had her on her belly in the isolette and she seemed so comfortable. I went down to the 9th floor to visit her at 6 am too. She gets fed every 3 hrs. She is still just wearing her diaper, with lots of wires and stickers all over her body. She has 2 wires with "button" stickers on her chest that monitor her heart rate and pulse. She has an IV in her left right hand that is giving her lipids and electrolytes. She has a oxygen monitor (shiny red light) taped to the bottom of her foot, and she has an oxygen tube pushing 5 ml(?) of oxygen constantly into her lungs, and she has a shiny gold heart stuck to her belly that monitors her temperature and keeps the warmer unit at the ready to heat her up when needed. We're going to go up and check up on her, the neo natalogist should have made rounds. We'll see what changed. :)

I'm Home, She's Not. :(
Boy, am I tired. Today Panda got an increase in her food intake...and at this point it is mostly formula, my milk is just now coming in. Yeah! :) And they are lowering the air pressure of the oxygen flow in her nose, which is a good sign. She had a rough morning...they had to draw blood from her foot for some blood tests...and then they had to put the IV in her foot because her hand IV was closing up. She got really upset the nurse said, I think it probably a good thing I wasn't there for that ordeal. Todd and I both held her for several hours today. I just love to feel the weight of her in my arms. Rebecca and I were present for "rounds" this afternoon and got to talk with the neonatologist. He recommended her formula change from the "high calorie" speciall blend to just a standard Good Start formula. Also we were able to ask questions and I asked..."because Miranda was born "big" for a preemie at 6 lbs 10 oz, does that make her any less of a high risk, preterm baby? ...and the answer - No, her ability to adjust and adapt to life outside the womb is mostly dependent upon the week of gestation...in her case 34 weeks and 1 day. He said her "weight percentile" has no real bearing on her preemie success. Very interesting. But it means she's still got a long haul...even with her extra padding. :) Tonight, right before I was discharged I brought 5 mL of milk (woo-hoo) and said good night to my baby girl. She seemed very content, burrito wrapped, and getting 14 mL of Good Start formula pumped directly into her stomach. At one point she even lifted her little arm out of her blankets and raised it up above her head. I got to tickle the tiniest little armpit I've ever seen. :) Good night, Miranda. Sleep well and we'll see you in the morning.

Wow, never thought I'd have a preemie.

2009-02-08T20:25:00.003-06:00

So I'm not sure what it was...the trip to the new Meijer after work on Friday, or the crawling on my hands and knees picking up all the toys covering the floor in the the kids bedrooom, or then maybe it was the swim lessons on Saturday morning. But something, made the little baby in my belly want to jump ship...immediately. And now we've got a preemie. Mind you a good sized preemie, but a baby not internally ready yet. Definately not cooked through or well done. But she's a cutie and a keeper. Welcome to the world, baby girl.

New Baby, New Me

2009-02-05T09:39:00.003-06:00

There are big changes going on in my neck of the woods....
The new baby is knocking at the door just waiting until its time to come out. And we're furiously trying to get her room ready and ourselves ready. And we're going to be making a big change....drum roll please....MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT COMING...

But for now, I'll leave you with this....I got my hair highlighted and cut...thanks to Miranda, Stylist Extraordinaire and to my awesome friends - you know who you are - who gave me a super-duper gift card to Hair Design and Day Spa at Knollwood.

Feast your eyes on the New Me:

Wisconsin Dells 2008 with the Cousins

2009-02-01T08:14:00.005-06:00

The Dells got lots of snow while we were there...unfortunately it wasn't snowman-snow AND our little crew wasn't up for skiing yet.

Bug and P LOVE playing legos, star wars, magnastix, anything! together

The multiple arcades provide hours of entertainment, even without any tokens!

Preparing Dinner with GramHarriet and Aunt Ecca (Mealyworm forgot how to smile temporarily)

The annual cousin pajama photograph...take 1

The annual cousin pajama photograph...take 37

Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking...into the future

2009-01-28T06:19:00.003-06:00

Wow, its hard to believe I need to start thinking about packing my hospital bag already. Bug has "graduated" into the next classroom at daycare...he's a Little Learner now. And Mealyworm is consistantly going peepee on the potty! We've moved the two of them into the larger bedroom so the new baby has a place to sleep of her very own. I will say, this time around some of those decisions are easier...i.e. new baby is not sleeping in our room, right next door is close enough. :)
Despite the fact that I feel huge and am exhausted all the time...except from 6am-7am...when I can't wait to get out of bed because I'm so sick of tossing and turning all night. This pregnancy has been a pretty smooth ride, let's hope to keep it up for a few more weeks.
The kids are excited. Mealyworm likes to look into my belly button and tell me what the new baby is up to in there. She also will gently rub my belly, rudely poke at my belly button, and shout the song "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" directly at my belly. Bug is helpful and curious, not too "hands on" though. He often asks questions like "will the new baby know my name?" or "the new baby won't say her words right, will she?" Last week, we got out some of the video tapes from when the kids were babies, they enjoyed seeing themselves as crawlers and messy eaters. It was really funny to watch.
We've tried to involve them in a couple of doctor visits and honestly...that's been more of pain in the ass than helpful. For example, we took them to our lastest sonogram on Monday and...they really weren't interested and made it hard for T-Dad and I focus and enjoy any of it. Its easier if you just have one kid and are building them up to be THE big bro/sis...but with both of them...its like the misbehavior just multiplies exponentially and there's no reasoning with them. At least at this current stage/age...almost 5 and almost 3.
The new baby is definately a girl. And she's good sized...we'll see what that REALLY means when the big day finally arrives. The Ultrasound Tech said she could see hair...so this baby could be born with a full set of hair like Mealyworm. That was fun. Or it may all be gone and we'll have a little cue ball like Bug.
Well, time will tell all, I suppose. We've still got tons of stuff to do to get ready...preparing the nursery, 6 wks of swim lessons for Bug & Mealyworm (I might have been delusional when I signed them up for that at this stage), and planning who's home with who and for how long...stay tuned.

Hmmm...tough question

2009-01-19T19:54:00.004-06:00

Am I more irritable than usual because I'm pregnant...or am I truly surrounded by morons?

The Sweetest Thing

2009-01-14T20:36:00.003-06:00

Mealyworm likes to "silently" come into our bedroom around 5 or 6 am and stand by my side of the bed for a minute...of course her arms are full of all the animals, baby dolls and blankets she can possibly hold, then she proceeds to climb up on the bed and over me (mind you I'm hugely pregnant so that is NOT an easy task for a 2 yr old) to the middle of the bed. Then she crawls under the covers and just lies there. Sometimes falling asleep for a little bit, sometimes tossing and turning a bunch, and sometimes if I happen to be facing the middle she'll put her warm little hand right on my cheek and just trace the features of my face. Even though its the wee hours of the morning and I should be irritated...I can't help but think that is one of the sweetest things...ever.

Detassler from Camp Point

2009-01-12T21:04:00.003-06:00

The summer after I graduated high school, I got a letter with my dorm assignment and the name and phone number of my roommate. It was a nervous phone call. I think I waited at least a week before I even tried the number. And when I finally did, I met Missy from Camp Point, IL. She was easy to talk to, she had a microwave and stereo. She was working as a corn detassler that summer. Her older brother went to our university too, he lived off campus at the frat house. She planned on bringing a loft for her bed...her computer and her car. Woo-hoo! Hmmm...maybe this wasn't going to be so bad. :) The fateful day came...we both moved into our little dorm room. With a brother in a frat house, Missy knew all about partying...and didn't miss a one. Missy and I roomed together for 2 years in the end. We weren't BFF, but we were friends who understood each other and gave each other space. I think that's why we were able to share such a small space with each other 2 years in a row. And we both loved playing sand volleyball. But all that is background...I'm really here to talk about a huge gift that Missy brought into my life. She introduced me to an entire genre of music that I love to this day...country music. Prior to my freshman year in college, the only country music song I knew was Garth Brooks - Friends in Low Places. And honestly, I didn't know that one that well except it got played to death at every dance I went to in high school. Missy liked to sleep with music on...and I thought that was okay...so we started going through our CDs and finding ones we could both tolerate...amazingly enough, the country music Missy played was the best stuff to fall asleep to. We would often put a CD on repeat and listen to it all night long. Night after night, we heard the same songs over and over...and it was comforting. It is so easy for me to get "sucked into" a country music song. I'd listen to the lyrics and love to hear the story. And still today, there are certain songs I just love and I'm proud to be a WIXY listener. :) I'm not as up on new artists and albums, I really like the stuff from back in my college days, but I still really enjoy a song with a good story. So thanks Missy, for broadening my horizons...in an unexpected way. I wonder what you're doing now.

Floppy Uterus

2008-12-29T16:09:00.007-06:00

So the midwife helped me feel the head and the butt of the new baby today at my appt. That made it all seem really - real. Not that I've like, managed to ignore the fact that I'm preggers. When I asked why it seemed like this baby was moving around WAY MORE than my other two.. the response...Well, this is your third baby and your other two have been quite large, so your uterus allows alot more movement this time around.

Great...thanks to my floppy uterus the baby can do cartwheels in utero.

But I remind myself that elephants gestate for 22 months...so it would really suck to be a pregnant elephant, literally. I mean...think of the feet on those things, even if they're a 'baby' those feet do not look comfortable.

Wow...I'm a Big Girl.

2008-12-24T14:19:00.007-06:00

So I've got to confess...sometimes I don't feel like I'm an adult. Sometimes I feel like I'm still a college-kid, new to the world and just testing out my "real world legs". Which is pretty pathetic because I'm well past my college days, and graduate school days and well into motherhood and wife-hood. But still...I find myself still passing major milestones and this year, this Christmas...I will wake up in my own house, with MY own little family, and celebrate the big day. What traditions we establish, what kind of breakfast we eat, how the day shapes out is essentially all within my own control. Its very exciting...and kind of scary. The easy way out is of course to do nothing...it will unfold as fate decides. But I could also "mess with it" I could ring jingle bells at 2 am until the kids wake up and then say "oh, you just missed Santa!". We could open a present up tonight...we could save them all until tomorrow. We could eat only red and green foods for breakfast. I could make pot roast every year, starting tomorrow. We could bake cookies. Every year on Christmas Day we could bake Jesus a birthday cake. I could make the kids take a bath on Christmas morning and not let them open presents until after we read "A Christmas Carol" or pertinent bible passages or all the words in the dictionary that begin with the letter C. I could not put out any presents and put a pile of coal under the tree AND then say "Oh, that Santa is such a jokester...check the bathtub, kids." T-Dad and I could get drunk on egg nog and peppermint schnapps hot cocoa...giggling and laughing while the kids wondered why we were so happy. We could stay inside all day. We could go for a Christmas Walk. We could wear pajamas all day. We could have pizza or fish sticks. Hmmm...so many choices, guess I better decide soon.

Getting the S*** kicked out of me

2008-12-23T10:16:00.006-06:00

A little pregnant bitchiness...

So...the little girl inside of my belly has been practicing for the 2020 Olympics like crazy for the last 8 weeks and my husband has never once voluntarily requested to "feel the baby kick". WTF.

I hate all the "dad tips" in those pregnancy books and all the "helpful fathers to be" in movies who dote on their pregnant wives and girlfriends. Does anyone actually experience that in real life? Are there really men out there who are actually "into" the whole pregnancy thing? I'm sure T-Dad is just being a "boy" but hell...would it kill him to acknowledge the life growing inside of my over-inflated gut.

Meme: Random Questions Linked with Christmas Songs

2008-12-10T15:12:00.008-06:00

So Quigs tagged me for a meme. And honestly I need to make the last post disappear to the archives of my blog...nothing I need to be revisiting anytime soon. I don't have an iPod, or any kind of song-playing device I use regularly...so I got creative and went to Pandora...at first I used the word "Christmas" and the first 6 songs that came up...then I switched to the "Rockin' Holiday" station and these are the next 24 songs that came up. :) It turned out pretty well.

1. Put your iPod or whatever music player you have on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 5 friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got this from. Let them know they've been tagged.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
White Christmas by Bing Crosby (usually, I shorten it and say..."BING!")

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Caroling, Caroling by Nat King Cole (That's me, always caroling.)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays by Perry Como (a homey feeling is always a good thing.)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Its the Most Wonderful Time of the Year by Andy Williams (isn't EVERY DAY the most wonderful time of the year. :)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Winter Wonderland by Frank Sinatra (Always walking in a winter wonderland...)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Its Beginning to Look A lot Like Christmas by Perry Como

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
The Christmas Song by Hootie and the Blowfish (honestly, I love Hootie.)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Please Come Home for Christmas by Jon Bon Jovi

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Christmas, Baby Please Come Home by U2

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Thank God Its Christmas by Queen (Quigs = Queen)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer by Ringo Starr (quite appropriate actually.)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Jingle Bells by Lisa Loeb (T-Dad will be happy to know that.)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Little Drummer Boy by The Dandy Warhols (they were expecting a boy when I was born.)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
My Only Wish This Year by Britney Spears (Hmm...weird.)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Everything Is Gonna Be Cool This Christmas by The Eels (not a bad choice, I'd say.)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch by Thurl Ravenscroft

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Little Drummer Boy by Bob Seeger and the Silver Bullet Band (hmm...i've always wanted to be a drummer...or a boy?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Away in a Manger by Relient K

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas Now by Bebo Norman

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Sleigh Ride by Debbie Gibson (uh...remind me never to go for a sleigh ride.)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Christmas Love by Billy Idol (I swear I didn't do it.)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree by Hanson (I mean yeah...its Hanson!)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
The Christmas Song by The Raveonettes (it is kind of a sad song..? but no actually tears came out.)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Little Drummer Boy by Jars of Clay (okay, I'm noticing a pattern here...what is it with this song?)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Christmas Don't Be Late by Powder

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas by Relient K

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Jingle Bell Rock by Amy Grant (Hmm...when I was a junior high basketball cheerleader we did a "routine" to this song (not sung my Amy Grant, though) and wore hats, scarves and gloves with our little cheerleader uniforms...it was so cute, I wouldn't change a thing.)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Christmas by Blues Traveler (it is kind of painful.)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Christmas Song by Greener

5 People I Tag:
T-Dad
Quigs

Bad Stories

2008-12-05T08:11:00.006-06:00

Why am I obsessed about reading new stories about terrible crimes? Everyday I troll my favorite new sources for more...I'm starting to wonder about my inner spirit. Obviously, I am not cultivating peace and harmony in my soul. Instead I'm adding gasoline to a fire inside of me that is already full of "pissed off-ness" and resentment for the way life is.

Don't click below unless your ready for more heartache...

Shackled teenager in CA
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/12/04/shackled.teen.trio/index.html

Murderer with underwear fetish
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/12/02/cold.case.arrest/index.html

8 year boy killed father and another man
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/11/24/boy.charged.mother/index.html

Papa Pilgrim, a sadistic simple man
http://outside.away.com/outside/culture/200812/robert-allen-hale-papa-pilgrim-1.html

Not terrible, just so odd...Jail inmates climb the walls for sex
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1117082jail1.html

Guilty, as charged

2008-11-24T21:46:00.005-06:00

So we bought a box of frosted donuts to help us through this week...and guess what. While T-Dad was preoccupied with dinner preparations, Bug was watching Wall-E (again), and I was yet to come home from work...Mealyworm decided to taste test them all.
See Exhibit A
Please note...we had eaten 3 donuts for breakfast, so she didn't actually eat a single whole donut. She obviously like that maple frosted one best.

And then her mugshot...she seems a mighty bit proud of her mischievous behavior.

Bug's Christmas List

2008-11-24T15:02:00.006-06:00

So Bug has been going through all the catalogs we get at the house and putting his initial by anything that he'd like for Christmas. And recently we sat down and wrote a letter to Santa mentioning his favorites...the list contained 4 items and I emphasized that Santa doesn't get you everything on your list, there are a lot of boys and girls. Its a surprise what he leaves on Christmas morning....uh...
I sure hope he likes his helmet. :)

Item #1 - 4 wheeler I can drive

Item #2 - BIG play kitchen

Item #3 - "Remote Control Monster Truck that can go in the mud, that the doors and trunk open so I can put my guys in there."

Item #4 - "Police helmet with a headphone so I can talk"

The Children's Museum of Indianapolis

2008-11-17T16:29:00.006-06:00

We are the proud owners of a Family Membership to the The Children's Museum of Indianapolis. So T-Dad suggested we take advantage of it and head over there on Saturday. Its a bit of a drive, but there is so much to do there and the cafeteria is super-cool (a little pricey, but hey, what do you expect). :)

There are 4 floors of fun at the CMI. Including an old-fashioned, real deal carousel on the 4th floor, a perfect "Playscape" for the under 5 crowd on the 3rd floor, SuperHero world on the 2nd floor, Dinosphere on the 1st floor and a planetarium theater for pretend star-gazing on the Lower Level. Plus tons of other exhibits. Of course on Saturday I forgot to bring the camera, but fortunately I never blogged about our trip to the CMI over the summer...so I'll include those pics to give you an idea of some of the fun things to do.

Bug drives a racecar, outside the SuperHero exhibit.

Bug and Mealyworm love the water table in the Playscape.

Bug watching the model train chug by.

MealyWorm, the future palentologist.

Bug, the future deep sea diver.

Caught up in a good book...

2008-11-13T18:28:00.002-06:00

Guess what...I'm a Librarian and I'm caught up in a book. :)

On the recommendation of some of my fellow bloggers, (Thank you guys!) I recently started reading the Twilight Series. Needless to say, I've been spending all my "spare" time (and some not so spare time) READING the printed word. It is truly a rare occurrence for me. In recent years, I've become mostly an unabridged audio book reader. And to find a book, in fact series of books, so compelling that I can actually sit still and stay awake long enough to read is simply amazing. And I'm loving it. Also noteworthy is the fact that each of the 4 books (I'm just starting book 4) is over 700 pages long! Even though I'm a librarian and I love books..reading long ones has never been my specialty, regardless of content. So I'm quite happy to have read over 2,000 pages in the last 5 days. So if I'm absent for another couple of days...you'll know why...I'm reading Breaking Dawn. :)

Meet the New Baby...

2008-11-03T13:08:00.004-06:00

After the post I had about the Clothing Chaos overtaking my life, I began to reconsider the idea of finding out the gender of the new baby. I need whatever help I can get when it comes to organizing and preparing for life with 3 kids. So today we learned, we are having a girl. So our boy, Bug, will be the big brother to two little sisters. I know its a leadership role he will fill well.

Here's the new baby girl...

5 years and counting

2008-10-29T10:57:00.005-05:00

So T-Dad and I passed a major milestone over the weekend...our 5 year wedding anniversary. Its really hard to believe that 5 years have passed..but its also hard to believe Bug is 4 1/2...and if you do the math, yep, that's right...Bug was at our wedding, in utero. We planned our wedding in 6 weeks, it was really amazing. It was a regular church wedding with all the friends and family invited. It was a beautiful fall day and almost everything went off without a hitch. ;) In many ways, we hit the ground running as a married couple, soon to be family. In other ways...we got to continue "as we were". After we actually tied the knot, we had to continue to live separately for the next 6 months. We had jobs, apartments, commitments in separate cities. We were alone, yet married. Married means a lot of different things to people. We didn't get to play "newlyweds", we continued to play "long distance relationship". And everyone knows that's got its good points and bad points but when married and pregnant...its mostly bad points. In a lot of ways, I feel like that first 6 months really defined our marriage. Not in a bad way, but perhaps a different way then some. To this day, we are separate and together. Most likely, we were predisposed to this sort of relationship anyway, but it has stuck with us. Don't get me wrong, we're "together" but I think in our minds we process things more as individuals than as a unit or couple. Our relationship, married life, parental duties, home life is very 50/50. There are very few, if any, areas that are ever totally mine or totally his. (i.e. breastfeeding was all mine, when I'm pregnant the litter boxes are all his) We can each do what the other does regardless of what it is. Its good and bad...good because we are totally equal and no one can really claim "i'm doing it all", but having an area that is your responsibility means that you know it gets done for the most part...but when both individuals have equal responsibility for all areas...sometimes...it doesn't get done. But that's probably a discussion for another post.

Anyway...I found a perfect card for T-Dad this year (except it showed some strange bunny rabbit couple sitting on a park bench with flowers all over it)...
It said "If I hadn't found you" on the front and inside "I'd be forever looking". And I sincerely believe that. Getting pregnant with Bug was a form of "divine intervention" because it forced me to see the lucky woman I was...I had an interesting, intelligent, like-minded man who loved me, who was excited about becoming a father and wanted to spend the rest of his life with us. And thank the universe and God and intuition and all the good advice I received...because here we are 5 years later and still going strong.

Bodily Functions

2008-10-27T15:37:00.013-05:00

So as a mom, I think we all develop a very healthy, non-chalant attitude about our kids' bodily functions. I mean from Day 1 in the hospital, "they" expect us to change our newborn baby's diapers all by ourselves. And so it goes...diaper after diaper, onto underpants after underpants, including many mishaps at the potty, in the car, on the sofa, in bed while wearing a halloween costume, etc... resulting in all variety of soiled Spiderman underoos/jeans/tights/socks/shoes, etc. Which, of course, requires us to remove, dispose of, manipulate, scrub, rinse, wash large amounts of bodily excretions. Honestly, a mom's life is filled with a lot of shit, literally.

So here's the thing....
why... when I'm in a public restroom do I have to ...
squeeze my eyes shut, put my fingers in my ears and silently hum Showtunes to myself so that I feel comfortable enough to... "drop the kids off" ?

To buy or not to buy...that is the question

2008-10-22T14:08:00.004-05:00

I have many inner struggles...one is materialism vs. minimalism. Honestly, I don't "need" more STUFF in my life. Stuff that clutters up my house and eventually causes me choose between putting it in a landfill or passing it on to someone else to clutter up their house.

So that brings me to...Christmas. I've started doing a little Christmas shopping, in an attempt to spread out the financial crisis that always follows. And I'm questioning my actions. I love Christmas presents. It was the one time of year that my frugal parents loosened up...a little. We all got multiple gifts. :) Yeah, occasionally my dad would wrap up library books (that needed to be returned in 2 weeks) and various grocery items we needed. But we always got several things we asked for. :) It was wonderful. Now that I am older and know a thing or two more about the world, and am having to make these decisions for my own kids...I'm torn. Do I buy my kids lots of stuff for Christmas for the pure joy of being surrounded by gifts? Or do I take the minimalist approach and limit the purchases to only a thing or two? How many presents is "too many" and how few is "not enough"?

Oh, how I still remember and love that feeling of being surrounded by new gifts and having all day to play with them. :)

National Parks

2008-10-17T15:11:00.005-05:00

Five years ago or so, T-Dad and I decided to start a lifelong goal - visit all the National Parks together. (the ones we've been to separately don't count). As a way to document this, we would get our photo taken by the main NP sign for each one. This is the most recent....this summer Bug took our picture in Ohio at the Cuyahoga Valley National Park. It was Bug's first time taking a "real" picture. And it was raining. Not terrible for a first attempt but we'll work with him a little more for the next one. :)

Another Bank Holiday

2008-10-13T13:37:00.002-05:00

T-Dad is off work for another Federal Holiday...lucky guy.

Bits & Pieces

2008-10-09T14:56:00.002-05:00

-We had a pre-nat appt with a midwife yesterday. We heard the heartbeat - 140 bpm. Does that mean boy? We have our Ultrasound appt. on the books for next month. We timed it so that we can take Bug and Mealyworm. I think they will get a kick out of seeing inside mommy's belly.
-We have been pretty sure we weren't going to find out the sex of the baby this time around. We liked the surprise with Mealyworm. With Bug, we'd had enough surprises, so we found out as soon as we could. This time...we're starting to waver. I think I could really use a couple of extra months (pre-newborn) to gets clothes, house, room in order for a specific gender. Hmm...we're still debating.
-Mealyworm has been doing neubulizer treatments for a recent (monday) diagnosis of asthma. She does well for like 5 minutes, but it literally takes a whole episode of Dora to get through all the medicine! aargh! I wish I could speed up that thing. Her little breathing mask looks like a fish, its cute.
-Bug misbehaved at preschool earlier this week while they were on a field trip. So he didn't get to attend the next field trip to Curtis Orchard (yesterday). :( I actually didn't feel too bad for him. He is going through this phase (again) where he refuses to listen to what you tell him to do and goes off on his own...repeatedly. And they couldn't have him doing that out at Curtis Orchard with hundreds of other school kids running around too.
-T-Dad cleaned the kitchen really well on Monday when he was home with sick - Mealyworm. He even scrubbed the kitchen floor twice (it was really dirty, I guess.). So I have been doing a good job of keeping it clean all week. I'm so proud of myself.
-I haven't touched the clothing chaos all week. Boo-hoo.

I love kids in costume!

2008-10-08T11:01:00.004-05:00

Our little Dinosaur...Mealyworm, 5 months old - Halloween 2006

A Dalmation Dog...Bug, 2 1/2 years old - Halloween 2006

A Little White Duck...Mealyworm, 18 months old - Halloween 2007

Bug, Mealyworm, WW, JB - Halloween 2007

Creek Water Poo

2008-10-06T12:44:00.005-05:00

Beware, pooping is discussed in some detail...

So we've been playing "House" at our house. Using our years of medical knowledge to decipher the icky code spelled out in poop. Mealyworm has been plagued with diarrhea for months. We've had a few days reprive in there and each time we breathe a sigh of relief and think "Thank goodness, a Peanut Butter poop instead of creek water poop." She goes through multiple outfits a day, tons of diaper cream, knows precisely how to say "I poopy, ouchy bottom, mama." so we hurry off to do a diaper change. We've tried all kinds of things...increasing the banana intake, cutting out juice, eating only "low acid" foods. At one point, I convinced myself it was all the plentiful Fall apples I've been feeding my kids. So no more applesauce, cider, sliced apples, etc. Blah, blah, blah. Fortunately, we aren't doing this alone...we've even visited the doctor and handed in a lovely array of poop samples, each painstakingly collected with a wooden stick and smeared into different vials to be tested for various diseases/bacterias, etc. And all have come back negative.

So....at the recommendation of the PA we've been seeing, we are approaching it from the new angle - Lactose Intolerance.

Since I've cut out all juice and now milk...MealyWorm is going to be having a lot of water in the coming days. I'm assuming Lactose-Free Milk and Soy Milk are viable options...? No yogart, no cheese, no ice cream...ugh... this poor kid. :(

Me and my thoughts on the New baby...ramblings...

2008-10-03T16:33:00.004-05:00

So I haven't blogged much about the impending arrival. Truth be told. I don't know if I can be totally honest, out loud, about it. But I'll try to keep it real without causing anyone to hate me. We'll see how it goes.

Well, I'm feeling better...morning-sickness wise, that is. I'm over that hump and into the the dreamy 2nd tri. Barely any heartburn yet, woo-hoo, its good times.

There are many things that weigh heavy on my mind at this time. One of them is...I'm not really looking forward to having a newborn. I know, I know, I should be strung up by my toes for admitting this outloud (in writing) but...they are so much work....and I am soooo lazy. Okay, maybe lazy isn't the right word, but every bit of my 17 minutes of personal time that I have now (and loads more) will be eaten up by this third little one. :)

Kind of related in a Lavender Lemonade sort of way...
The other day someone I've known for a while but haven't ever really "sat down with" to talk said to me..."I've been meaning to get together with you for coffee or something, I'd really like to get to know you and what your beliefs, dreams, ideas are."
Very nice of her to ask and want to get to know me better, but...My instant response...uh..Really, you don't. It would be a very short cup of joe. I'm hollow inside. I'm in survival mode. I'm not really in dream, belief, idea mode like I was in college or high school. Those were times when I relished introspection and deep thinking. I loved and had lots of "over coffee" discussions about beliefs, dreams, ideas. And umm...now...not so much. Right now, maintaining a semi-respectable appearance for myself and my family and a very moderately (okay, barely) clean home is about all I can do. And honestly, soon there's going to be even less attention to be paid to appearance and housework...enter in the new baby.

So in this picture...Mealyworm was like 2 months old I think. And was crying. And nothing would make her happy. And we were at a birthday party for one of Bug's friends. And I had to take my screaming newborn outside so I didn't ruin the party. So I missed some of the fun, not really "my fun" but...well watching Bug have fun is my fun, and I missed that....Is this new baby going to mean I miss out on lots more special moments with my already two precious little ones?

My twin nephews vacationing in Cape Cod

2008-10-01T10:24:00.003-05:00

Aren't they cute!

Clothing Chaos

2008-09-25T09:27:00.008-05:00

We have TOO many clothes. Dirty clothes. Clean clothes. Clothes that don't fit. Clothes to donate. Clothes we've purchased for winter. Clothes we're sharing with friends. Clothes that friends shared with us. Boy clothes. Girl clothes. 18 month clothes. 2T clothes for boys. 3T clothes for girls. 4T for boys. 5/6 clothes. Clothes for the future. Keepsake clothes from the past. T-Dad clothes for work. T-Dad clothes for play. Clothes I hope to fit into again some day. Clothes that were Bug's that I want to save for Mealyworm. Clothes that I should save for the new baby (and since we're not going to find out the gender, we can't get rid of anything). Aaargh!

Every bedroom has at least 2 boxes/tubs of clothes "in processing". Too small, too big, wrong season, etc. And the dirty clothes seem to be breeding! Every bedroom has a huge pile of dirty clothes. About a year ago I came up with the genius idea that instead of having dirty clothes piles in every bedroom, I was going to have one monster pile outside of the laundry room. (uh, yeah, that was the plan) That way when we wanted to throw a load in, the dirty clothes were right there waiting patiently...then the huge pile annexed the lower level entry way and became a bit of a nuisance. I dreamed of owning one of those big hotel laundry carts (that spies and diamond thieves always hide in) to corral the monstrosity. But I decided I'd have to settle with using the pack-n-play. So the monster pile went into the pack-n-play and I haven't seen the elephant and giraffe print on the bottom pad ever since. We never get to the bottom of the dirty clothes pile! Aaargh!

I need help. I need to sort and organize all the clothes that are currently wearable. And I need get rid of all the clothes that we don't think we'll ever wear again. But it is sooooo overwhelming.

I think I've got a plan though....I am going to label like a dozen diaper boxes (I knew there was a good reason I've been saving all those empty diaper boxes, its not just OCD) with Boy 0-12 months, Girl 0-12 months, Boy 12-24 months, Girl 12-24 months, etc. And set them all up in my family room and as I fold I will sort accordingly. And of course, the biggest box will be labelled DONATE. And in regards to my "previous life" clothes, the ones that I loved and actually looked good in...all going. All gone. I haven't worn them in 5 years, what's the point. I am who I am now, and I need the space.

After all, we've got to squeeze a whole additional little being into this house and the CLOTHES are taking up way more than their share of space.

Hopefully I can get started on this plan this weekend. Anyone want to help and experience the Clothing Chaos first hand...tempting I know...it will make you feel really good about your own house though. :)

Mmmm...blueberries and corn syrup

2008-09-18T15:38:00.003-05:00

So, I'm snacking on a tasty treat...

not as good as the real thing, fresh off the low bush in Alaska OR fresh off the high bush in Michigan

...but not bad for an afternoon snack stuck in an office.

Oh, and the ingredients...#1 Dried Wild Blueberries (what makes them "wild" and not grown on a farm beats me) #2 High Fructose Corn Syrup (ugh, its everywhere.)

Just kicking back

2008-09-12T09:27:00.006-05:00

Hmmm...I wonder where the kids are? Oh, rearranging the lawn furniture and playing with a sharp tomato cage in the backyard.

Bug: Stack your feet, like this MealyWorm!
MealyWorm: Like this? How do I put my foot on top? Oh, I did it!

Bug: You never listen to me.

MealyWorm: Hey, Look, a rabbit.
Bug: Yeah, another rabbit.

This is what summer was meant to be.

Doing her hair

2008-09-11T12:34:00.006-05:00

When T-Dad does bathtime, it can get a little crazy.

I'm one of "those" people

2008-09-09T09:41:00.006-05:00

If you lend me something, I might lose it, forget to return it, or even occassionally break it. Its not something I'm proud of. And if you ever ask me about it, I will bend over backwards to get it back to you or buy you a new one. To be honest, its something that weighs on my mind, regularly coming to the surface..."oh yeah, I need to wash that Tupperware container and give it back to Ms. Interrupted" but then I get delayed because I think... hey, wouldn't it be nice if I filled it with home-baked (noticed I didn't say homemade) cookies first or wait, I should find that other one she gave us the medicine in too and return that at the same time...where was the last time I saw that one? Hmmm...

Its pathetic, I know. I'm one of "those" people.

Now, don't get me wrong, I always have the best of intentions when I borrow something. And if it is something I know will just get lost in my house, I'll not borrow it. But its getting trickier now that my kids are borrowing things. I know that I am ultimately responsible for whatever they borrow and the pressure is on...

Here's a little list to help assuage my guilt and prove my good intentions:
Quigs - I've still got your paperback of Omnivore's Dilemma (I didn't forget, I honestly haven't finished it yet and can't admit to myself that I'm never going to finish it.)
Ms. Interrupted - I loved the Lemon Raspberry Dessert, and I still have the container you delivered it in...I'm hoping to fill it with something wonderful. And I still have the little container that you gave us the medicine in, by the way we used every last drop. Woo-hoo, helping you get your money's worth.
Big Matthew - Bug still has your glowing green light saber, he uses it every evening/night and if the battery dies, I will try to replace it.
A - I have your paperback copy of Cranford, I'm still reading it.
K - I have the red slide whistle and the little green bell bracelet from the music parade you had past our house. I also still have Me Speak Pretty One Day and the other 2 books you lent me. Uh, yes, I'm still working on reading them.
J - We still have your copy of Baby Sister Says No. We love it and it shows. I am going to buy a new one for you soon.

And if it makes anyone feel better, I am always happy and freely share stuff from my house. And only if its something I covet do I ever ask for it back, because honestly I've got too much stuff as it is.

Just one shy of a half dozen

2008-08-26T13:42:00.010-05:00

Yep, you guessed it, we're breaking the barrier, screwing with the ratio, and tempting fate. Most likely we will be welcoming a Pisces. Heaven forbid another Aries...I have the market cornered on that one and I don't like to share. We're still adjusting to the idea...is this the straw that broke the camel's back? Or is this the cherry on top of a perfect sundae?

(uh, yeah...I know that was total cheese, but I'm trying to think positive. And I'm having trouble pulling out positive thoughts naturally, I've got to work at it.)

Breaking Barriers

2008-08-25T14:54:00.003-05:00

So bear with me, I'm going to play a little game...let's name all the people we know who have 1-2 children...And I'm pulling these women from all parts of my life, but they have to be this generation...not my parents/grandparents etc....
Ms. Interupted
Looseyfur
Quigs
Freak
Lori
Libbygirl
Makeup-Girl
Rachel and her Bump, now Baby
Loretta
Mrs. Chicken
Misc.
Leeanthro
K and boys
My AK sister
My PA sister
S and girls
T and boy/girl
T and her boy and bump
D and girl
Big Matthew
M and her C
T-Dad's brother with 1 girl
Deb and her 1 boy/ 1 girl
J and his J + one

Now, let's name the people we know with more than 2 kids...
Angelina Jolie (but she's rich and I'm sure has several nannies, doesn't really count.)
K and 2 girls/1 boy
D and 2 girls/2 boys
C and 4 girls
T-Dad's brother with 5-ish

Not an even list. Not close at all. Why is the third child barrier not broken more? Hmmmm...

5 Things About Meme

2008-08-22T20:03:00.008-05:00

5 Things About Meme
Missy at Misc & Co. tagged me for this so here goes:

1. Post the rules of the game at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read the player's blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you've posted your answer.

What were you doing five years ago?
Busy time for a teacher, I was starting my second year as the library director at a big catholic high school and wondering why I was tired and feeling nauseous

What are five things on your to-do list for today?
1. I don't make a To Do List
2. that way I don't get disappointed
3. and anything actually accomplished
4. is a total surprise and bonus.
5. I fed the cats AND refilled their 1/2 gallon water dispenser, woo hoo!

What are five snacks you enjoy?
1. Dried Banana Chips
2. Peanuts
3. a fresh, ripe peach
4. Cheese, any kind
5. Popcorn

What are five things you would do if you were a billionaire?
1. Give away 995 million of it, that's just too much money for anyone person
2. Pay off debts
3. Actually buy clothes that aren't on sale
4. Invest it
5. Quit my job and stay home with my kids, perhaps with the help of an au pair

What are five of your bad habits?
1. I'm lazy
2. I'm bossy (to my husband)
3. I'm disorganized
4. I'm messy
5. I waste time

What are five places where you have lived?
1. 712 S. Osteopathy Ave, Apt. 3A
2. 11064 Cemetery Rd
3. 210 Normal St.
4. 301 E. Catherine St.
5. 1221 W. Washington St. Apt. 9

What are five jobs you've had?
1. Waitress
2. Apple Grader at an orchard
3. Au Pair
4. High School librarian
5. Children's librarian at a public library

Five people I tag: (um...just one)
1. T-Dad at Stages of Life
2.
3.
4.
5.

Artwork

2008-08-19T13:09:00.007-05:00

Bug has gotten bit by the Drawing Bug. He loves to draw pictures...in the car, during breakfast, at bedtime, etc. Here are a couple of his latest masterpieces.

"My Family with WiggleWorm and JumpingBean"

"Green and Blue Power Rangers with swords"

"Rainbow and Rain"

Mmmm...Chocolate Banana

2008-08-15T13:46:00.006-05:00

Wow, I just walked to Barnes and Noble on my lunch hour and perused some books. And ordered a tasty treat to go....delicious. I tried one of their "new" (well, new since the last time I was there 6 months ago) drinks. Its called a Vivanno (yeah, its a Starbucks thing, its gotta' sound Italian, so much tastier that way.) and it was essentially a smoothie. Quite delicious. I ordered the Chocolate Banana flavor, it actually uses a whole banana. Impressive, I know. You know what's even more impressive...that I'm blogging an entire paragraph about the drink I just ordered from Barnes and Noble. Pathetic, really.

To the moon

2008-08-07T15:13:00.005-05:00

Now, this is the kind of rocket ship a kid can really imagine flying to the moon in. I mean really...its big, and sturdy and tall and has lots of ladders! Sometimes I miss these "dangerous" toys. Thank goodness, this relic in Bloomington(?) still exists. We were looking for an "energy outlet" on the way back from some trip recently and stumbled upon this blast from the past.

Arm-chair Detective

2008-08-01T15:03:00.002-05:00

Growing up I had my own Detective Agency. I even had a black case with talcum powder and a small brush, for fingerprints (of course), and a little notebook and pencil to record clues, and a small magnifying glass to see things more clearly. I begged my mom and older sisters to create cases for me. And they did...it would start with a note in the mailbox, that would cleverly lead me (and sometimes my childhood friend/partner in detecting crime, Skeezix) to the next location where another clue would be hidden, and then there would be another note...and on it went. I loved it. Unfortunately, I stopped getting cases after awhile and my interest waned, so the agency closed up shop. But I still love the thrill of the chase...currently, I am intently following the Caylee Anthony case. Where is that little girl and why is her mother acting so weird?

a sine curve

2008-07-30T09:29:00.005-05:00

Trigonomentry. Something I loved and aced. Geometry. Something I hated and barely passed. Physics. Something I loved and aced. Organic Chemistry. Something I hated and failed, and repeated, barely passed. Evolutionary Biology. Something I loved and barely passed. And on and on.

I feel like my life is a sine curve. The solid blue line in the middle up above. Notice that it dips up and down, above and below - zero. Maybe its like this for everyone. There are times in my life that I look around and think...wow, I have arrived. And then there are those times that I look around and think...oops, I did it again. But it changes. I won't be there for long, I know that soon again I will be back on the way up (or way down).

I guess, that's balance.

Mmmm...Easy Italian Beef

2008-07-25T09:31:00.009-05:00

Okay...as you can tell, this week, I'm not feeling the "creative juices"...So, I'm going to fill the space with another recipe. This one is easy and delicious.

CrockPot Italian Beef
(adapted from "Slow Cooker Italian Beef for Sandwiches"at allrecipes.com)

INGREDIENTS
3 cans Beef Broth (I used low sodium)
1 (.7 ounce) package dry Italian-style salad dressing mix
1 (3 pound) chuck roast

DIRECTIONS
Place roast in slow cooker, pour salad dressing mixture over the meat, and pour beef broth over the meat.
Cover, and cook on Low for 10 to 12 hours, or on High for 4 to 5 hours. Shred meat with a fork about 1-2 hours before end of cook time. Serve on good, thick rolls w/ shredded Mozzarella cheese. There is lots of au jus left, so don't worry about having enough liquid. You could maybe even use 2 cans of Beef Broth, if you want. Or pour the extra on the dog's food, happy puppy.

P.S. I just realized that several posts ago I talked about becoming a vegetarian...and here I am posting a very Meaty recipe...well, I guess I'm not there yet. No excuses, no deep reasoning, I take it meal by meal. Ideally, I would only purchase meat from local, small farms. That is what I would really like to do, but seeing the prices at the Farmer's Market really blows my mind. So far I haven't really changed my ways. Ever growing, ever changing, we'll see what the future holds.

Another Notch in my lipstick case

2008-07-23T09:52:00.001-05:00

This was just on the radio...and I couldn't resist. It has such awesome lyrics and what's not to love about Pat Benatar!

You're a real tough cookie
With a long history,
Of breaking little hearts like the one in me.
That's okay, let's see how you do it
Put up your dukes, let's get down to it.

Hit me with your best shot.
Why don't you hit me with your best shot.
Hit me with your best shot.
Fire Away!

You come on with a come on, you don't fight fair
But that's okay, see if I care.
Knock me down, its all in vain
I'll get right back on my feet again.

Hit me with your best shot.
Why don't you hit me with your best shot.
Hit me with your best shot.
Fire Away!

Well, you're a real tough cookie with a long history
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
Before I put another notch in my lipstick case,
You better make sure you put me in my place

Hit me with your best shot.
Why don't you hit me with your best shot.
Hit me with your best shot.
Fire Away!

A dream come true...

2008-07-18T10:14:00.005-05:00

So we all have dreams about what our life will be like when we're older. Many of them unfulfilled (thankfully) and many of them unfulfilled (regretfully), but those are all blog posts for another day. Because some of those dreams have been fulfilled and they've been fulfilled beyond my wildest imagination. The one that really hits me today, is my house. I grew up in the country. On seven acres of woodlands with the nearest house, a farm, 1/2 mile down the road. I rode on a school bus for 45 min, every morning and after school, from Kindergarten through Senior year of high school (I got to drive my parent's Omni most days, but occasionally I'd still have to ride the bus.) I grew up literally half an hour from anywhere. And while there were a lot of things I loved about growing up where I did, I got it into my head at that when I grew up, I wanted to live in the city, not downtown anywhere, but in a neighborhood. I wanted sidewalks, paved driveways, garage door openers, "block parties", playgrounds, neighbors I could watch coming/going, neighbors I could visit in my bathrobe for a cup of sugar, neighbors who knew my cat from looking out the window, etc.

And by cracky...I've got it and even better than I ever dreamed.

I live in a house, in a neighborhood, in a city (not a village, not a unincorporated area). Its just what I dreamed it would be and more... I love the park behind my house with a playground and tennis courts, and the sidewalk where my kids ride their tricycles and the BIG, fancy-pants park with mileage marked on paved walkways, a hardware store and grocery store within walking distance, and the mail is delivered to a little black box attached to my house. And I have neighbors, neighbors who bring me onions from their organic garden, and lend us their folding tables for our garage sale and their shrub cutters, and milk and lawn chairs and coolers and toys and feed our cats and pick up our forgotten toys in the sidewalk and wave to us in the yard. And even better than I dreamed...my kids have kids their own age to play with. Honestly, that was never really part of my dream, my vision of living in the city...I guess I always imagined it more from my own perspective, not the children I would have someday. But my kids have kids their own age, that they get to play with, cry with, laugh with, hang out with, right at their fingertips. Whether or not they will all be best buddies forever remains to be seen, one might be sporty, one might be book-ish, one might be creative and one might be musical. But the bonds that my kids are forming with the neighborhood kids are something that will always be there. Those childhood bonds could last a lifetime. The kids who grow up around you, know your family, your struggles, your joys. When I look at the pictures of half naked little kids eating ice cream all together at a tiny picnic table...I thank the universe for bringing me to this special little neighborhood where my kids can grow up with sidewalks and mailboxes and friends for life.

Photo Mosaic Meme

2008-07-16T21:48:00.008-05:00

Misc. is so cool. She had this on her blog and I love the idea (and flickr.com), so I'm doing this Meme, too. Thanks, Missy!

My Answers:
1. Lavender, 2. cheese 3. North Boone 4. purple 5. Aston Kucher 6. dreamsicle 7. resort 8. chocolate 9. la femme nikita 10. variety 11. inconsistant 12. lavender lemonade

Here’s what you do:

1. type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr search.
2. using only the first page, choose an image.
3. copy and paste each of the URL’s into the mosaic maker over at Big Huge Labs Mosaic Maker

the questions:
what is your first name?
what is your favorite food?
what high school did you attend?
what is your favorite color?
who is your celebrity crush?
favorite drink?
dream vacation?
favorite dessert?
what do you want to be when you grow up?
what do you love most in life?
one word to describe you.
your flickr, blog, website name or a nickname

Now, if you read this and have a blog...go do it! Now!

P.S. I work with copyright, so I can't let this go...Here are the links for all of the images above:
1. Lavender hill mob, 2. "I, Piórko, like Cheese!", 3. wendy, 4. eccentric beauty, 5. dudewheresmyjob, 6. Dreamsicle, 7. The Coco Walk, 8. 14th August 2007 / Day 226, 9. WHEN TO STOP, 10. 1-2-3, JUMP!!!, 11. Day 73: Self-Esteem, 12. picnic: lavender lemonade

A week's vacation...for T-Dad

2008-07-15T21:39:00.004-05:00

So T-Dad (go visit his blog and leave comments, he feels left out.) has vacation he needs to waste. You know, he gets so many days a year and doesn't use them, so he's got to waste 'em or lose 'em. Rough life, honey. So T-Dad isn't shaving this week, is in his favorite shirt and shorts, eats hot dogs for lunch, watching baseball until midnight, etc. But never fear, he's not totally leading a life of leisure. Because hey, that just wouldn't be fair. He's got a "Honey Do" list a mile long and all the drop off/pick up duties for the kids. First and foremost on the list is getting rid of half of our crap. So far he's actually been working really hard on organizing the garage. We have a ton of stuff that we've never unpacked since we moved last year. Just boxes on top of boxes (all of which we've dug through looking for one thing or another over the last year). So needless to say we need to just get rid of it, since we've managed to live without it for an entire year. How do we end up with all this crap? Aargh! I am so looking forward to next week, after we decrease our stuff by at least 1/4. Honestly, I'm so jealous that he gets to stay home all week and work on this. I really wish I could be there. I mean he's good at preparing the piles to be looked through and getting rid of the "easy" stuff. But I'm the one who ultimately knows/cares whether or not this kitchen corning ware dish is useful and needs to be kept or junk. I've been kind of hard on him this week. Second guessing how he's spending his time and such. I'm trying to lay-off and just be happy with anything he gets done. And I've even said he's free to go golfing a couple of times if he wants. He should really nominate me for Wife of The Year, I know. So the really good news is....we are taking the kids to T-Dad parents and spending the weekend together...alone...cleaning our house. I am so excited! (He is too as you might guess, HA! Its not like he's just spent a week working in our junk filled, dirty garage.) But we are also going to go on a date on Saturday to 88 Broadway. He's hoping I have a few too many, I'm sure.