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What is influencing my kids?

Up until the day before Early Bird was born, I worked full-time outside the home. And my kids were in daycare 45+ hours a week. They spent the bulk of their "awake" time with other people. I got about 2 hours each evening and an hour in the morning, and weekends. That's not a lot of time. It was hard on me, everyday talking them into "going to school". And my mother heartstrings were pulled taut and tight often. I worried about all other kids and adults influencing/impressing my little "blank slate" kids. Now I'm a stay at home mom. I get to be with my kids all day, every day. Bug, of course, goes to kindergarten now and Mealyworm has preschool for 2.5 hrs every day. But I get so much more time with my kids. Now I worry about how I am influencing/impressing them. I am so not a great role model for my kids. The theory out there is that being home with your kids is such a great thing for them...well, I'm not convinced. Their old daycare center seemed way more on top of teaching everyday life skills.

One Week Boutique

I just found out, in case you've been wondering...The Fall One Week Boutique will be happening...here's the scoop: Public shopping dates will be November 13-15 (Fri-Sun). The sale will be held in Mahomet at 201 N. Prairieview Road (just off Rt. 150 & I-74). It was the former D&D grocery store. Along with a new email system is a new barcode tagging system. This system is going to make for much speedier checkout lines at the sale -Yeah!

If you wish to consign:

You need to go to the Registration page at www.oneweekboutique.com and click on "Register to be a Consignor". Everyone is getting a new number in the new system. Even if you have consigned in the past, you must register to get a new number (your old number will not work).

Super Lucky or Super Cool

Recently, I had the unexpected, but much appreciated honor of attending a CU Parent Bloggers gathering at B. Lime. B. Lime, A Green Store, is a great store that I'd love to buy presents for everybody I know at. I was super lucky and got to meet a bunch of super cool bloggers. Check out these CU blogs:
Multi-minding Mom
Little Blog on the Prairie
Midwest Moms
Mommy, Queen of Everything
Sulking in Illinois
Midwest Neurotica
Chicken and Cheese
Larkin's Place
Rayne of Terror
Looseyfur's Midwest Adventures
2 Kids, 3 Cats and a blog
The Fabulous Follies of a Freaky Family

And we got to nibble on great treats from Cakes on Walnut and Boltini's....mmmmm.

And when all was said and done for the evening...we went home with our hands full of goodies. Thank you, thank you to the generous givers of stuff including, but not limited to:
Johnson & Johnson
LaundryTree
BlogCatalog
OfficeMax
1800flowers

Hall Pass

I asked my husband the other day, "Honey, do you think its weird that your wife is completely tuckered out at 9 pm and goes to bed?" His response, "Yes, I think its weird." So I laughed and in my head decided I should try to make an effort to stay up later...So last night, after Biggest Loser, when T-Dad said, "Let's watch W. , we just got it from Netflix." I said, "Sure, sounds good."
Flash forward to this morning...
Early Bird wakes up early for a feeding. T-Dad's alarm goes off at some ungodly, still dark outside hour, baby starts crying. Finally baby is back to sleep in my bed, how can such a little baby take up sooooo much space in a queen size bed. I manage to nod off for another half an hour, hitting snooze twice and then completely turning the alarm off. Only to wake 10 minutes before I need to get all three kids out the door to get everyone to school on time! Aaargh!
Bug was late to school for the first time today. He had to go in to the office and get a pass and everything. Poor kid.

Moral of the story: Staying up late when you're tired, gets tomorrow off to a bad start.

OR

Mommy gets to go to bed whenever she wants to.

Am I Blogger or a woman with thoughts that need to be dumped somewhere?

When I was in 6th grade, I subscribed to Thrasher magazine and bought a used Powell & Peralta skateboard. I lived in the country. Surrounded by farmhouses and fields of corn/beans/cows/horses. I rode my skull & sword skateboard with my blue "cons" on, up and down that country road...but was I really a skater? I mean, come on, you can say it...I was a poser. I didn't beg my mom to drive me into the city skateparks so I could learn new tricks or meet up with some other sk8 dudes. I just rolled back & forth on my board in front of my gravel driveway.

So the question I'm pondering now is if I blog on the Internet am I a blogger? Blogs can be so many different things...daily journals, homework lists, recipe reviews, weather analysis, etc. All those blogs have a clear purpose. Some postings may be short and sweet, others rambling and drawn out. But they all tie into a specific theme. But what about me...I'm a "fair/sour weather friend" blogger...when I've got something in my life I want to pour into words or cute pictures of my kids, I blog. But many a day go by without a blog post because I'm too busy, not feeling literary, too mad, too sad, too happy, plain old lazy. Am I a poser blogger? Is there a "true blogger" community? If there is, are the criteria things like: write in complete sentences, spell correctly, write in complete thoughts, have a clear point to your writing, include world events and philosophy, clearly state opinions and observations, etc. Boy, by that definition, I'm so not a true blogger. I can barely get the words on the screen, let alone have them mean something half the time. But hey, a book is still a book even if the author just scribbles on the pages and no one ever reads it right...

Maybe instead of just rolling past my gravel driveway on my skateboard I had actually spoken with some other skaters, I could have learned a thing or two about skateboarding and become an actually skateboarder...Maybe I should get out there and mingle with some other bloggers...hmmm.

Mealyworm at Ballet

Doing her own thing...but loving every minute of it.

Early Bird Milestones

Early Bird just passed the 7 month mark. Crazy, I know. We had her 6 month checkup (a month late) this week and she's doing great. She's 26 inches tall and 18.5 lbs. She's got 2 little teeth on the bottom. She's rolling front to back and then back to front. Any human being that comes within 5 ft of her receives a big open-mouthed grin, saying "Hey, look at me!". She can even sit up for about 15 seconds before rolling to the side and on her back (or face, oops.) She's eating rice cereal and oatmeal & bananas cereal like a champ. As far as other foods, so far she's had and liked for the most part...peas, squash, bananas, pears, and carrots. And didn't really enjoy avacado, which is weird I think. Maybe I didn't get it smooth enough. It is really cute to see her interacting with Bug and Mealy Worm. They love to talk in her "language" of random low & high pitched sounds. Car rides are a symphonic experience these days. It is really fun having a little one again. It is really hard and tiring, but totally worth it. I mean really, just one of those open-mouthed grins and all the tough stuff just melts away.

Grossest Thing Ever

From Desiderata...
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

So I've been thinking alot about how different families live. I'm an analyzer...and "my life" is most often the subject of my analysis. When I was growing up, I went to a friend's house after Kindergarten everyday. We rode the bus and I got off at her house and her mom watched me until my mom got off work. It was fun. She had a younger brother. He typically toddled around in just his diaper. Sometimes he took his diaper off. One day we were watching TV and he pooped on the rug. It was gross. But what was grosser...when my friend's mom saw it, she came right over and picked the poop up with her bare hands! At the time and for years after, I thought that was the grossest thing EVER. Funny how now that I have 3 kids and pets...that doesn't seem like the grossest thing ever anymore. I've never done that but I'm sure some things I've done have come pretty close on the "grossest thing ever" scale.

The first full week

Exhausted. That's me (almost) at the end of the first full week of Kindergarten for Bug and daily Preschool (2.5 hrs/day) for Mealyworm. I love being within walking distance of both schools, but man I'm beat. I drove to pick up Mealyworm a couple of times and T-Dad did drop off on Wednesday, but other than that...I've walked. Its been really good for me and fun.

Walk to the elementary school with Bug on his bike and the girls in the stroller.
Walk to preschool.
Walk home.
Kill 2.5 hrs.
Walk to preschool.
Walk home.
Kill 4.5 hrs.
Walk to elementary school.
Walk home.

That feeling.

Ugh. Its happened again. I'm inadequate. My kids are awful. Their behavior is atrocious. And I just don't know what the fuck to do about it. I try to parent, punish, discipline, instill the right values, teach the good lessons, lead by good example, look both ways before I cross the street, hold hands in the parking lot, brush your teeth at bedtime AND in the morning, wash your hands before dinner, wipe your butt until there is no poop on the toilet paper, ask in a nice way, use your words, hands are not for hitting, etc. etc. etc. But it isn't always just screaming and running around in restaurants, or the skid marks in their underwear. Today, my kid decided he was curious if the neighbor's garage door was hard...so he repeatedly rammed his brand new scooter into it until the said neighbor poked his head out the door to see what the noise was. Mind you I was there, outside in the driveway watching him, but my huge, honking mini-van blocked my view of the top of my neighbor's driveway for this critical 15 seconds in time. And so wouldn't you know it...the brand-new scooter left several marks and small dents on the 1 day old paint job on the less than a year old garage door. And the neighbor wasn't too happy. And as I stood next to my neighbor looking at the damaged garage door, repeatedly saying I'm sorry, I couldn't see him for a minute and I'll repaint your garage door, and I'm really sorry...blah, blah, blah. I had "that feeling". That sinking feeling, that feeling that I know I did something wrong, but I don't know any way to fix it. And I never thought that feeling could get any worse...I've experienced it many times and hate it every time. But it does get worse...what's worse is when its something your kid did. How can I fix it? How can I return the world to the way it was 3 minutes ago? Why don't I know the right way to handle this? Why did I let this happen in the first place? Why did I get him a new scooter? Why doesn't he respect other people's property? Why aren't I stricter? I need to be stricter. I need more rules. I'm ephasizing the wrong rules. I need simpler rules. I need to watch him EVERY second. I need to keep him in the driveway. I need to keep him in the house. I have no business raising three children. I can't even keep the litter box clean. I'm stuck. I'm in this...I'm a parent...I want to do a good job...I want good kids...I'm so inadequate, but I don't have a choice. I'm it, I'm a parent and tomorrow is another day.

Boy Toys

I find myself buying toys for Bug all the time. I don't know if its because he's the oldest and his tastes are clearly defined or because he's a boy and boy toys are everywhere...or if this is some kind of subconscience favoritism. I'm trying to be more mindful of this...in case one of the girls starts to notice.

Its my blog, so I can bitch if I want to.

Since my last post, T-Dad and I established some daily chores that he does and daily chores that I do. The intent was to try REALLY hard to do them all once a day for 30 days to make them a habit...and then we could re-evaluate and see if they needed to be tweaked. These are the specific tasks we discussed and assigned to each person:
T-Dad's Daily Chore List included...
1. The Bathroom (spray/wipe the counter, around the toilet and shower with Clorox Go Anywhere)
2. Load the washing machine and move clothes to the dryer at least once a day.
3. Once a week mow the lawn.
4. Once a week take the trash to the curb.
(Work outside the home 40 hrs/wk, commute to work 1 hr roundtrip 5 days a week, random "odd jobs" around the house suited to his skills)

My Daily Chore List included...
1. Clear/wipe the table after meals and stay on top of the dishes.
2. Fold and put away all the laundry.
3. Keep the living room picked up.
4. Scoop the litter box as needed.
(And exclusively breastfeeding a small infant, being the sole caretaker of 3 young children most of every day, random odd jobs around the house suited to my skills)

As you can guess, we did pretty well for the first 5-7 days...and then things started to wane. I reminded T-Dad to do his chores once or twice. And I barely got any laundry folded and the living room was messy all week. But I did a decent job staying on top of the dishes.

So then...I just returned from a visit to my parents. I left my house on Wednesday morning about 7am and returned on Monday at around 5pm. If you count it out, its about 5.5 days. That is 5.5 days that T-Dad had the house to himself. Mind you, he had to work on most of the days. And to just to be clear, being at anyone's house for 5.5 days isn't a walk in the park with 3 small children. I was the primary disciplinarian, food provider, comforter, etc. with help from my family.

So I returned to my house yesterday to find it a mess. There were still dishes with encrusted cereal (from before we left) on the counter, the living room/hallway was still littered with toys and crap and there were no groceries in the house. T-Dad did do things while we were gone...he folded a bunch of laundry and even put some of the kids' clothes in thier drawers, he did maybe 1 load of dishes, vacuumed by the table, he picked up the kids room enough so he could move thier beds into bunk beds (all by himself) and then last night while I went grocery shopping, he did another load of dishes.
So I come back from grocery shopping and he has the TV on and the chess board set up and want to play chess. How sweet. He said, "Do you want to play chess?" and I said, "No, I want to punch you in the face." But I sat down and made my fist move. And then he made a move. And he said, "I guess I could have gotten more done but I thought I did pretty well. " I said, "Look around you (piles of crap and toys everywhere)And he said, "I don't think you have any reason to be mad, you said you were going to pick up the living room last week and you haven't folded any laundry since we started out "new jobs"." I replied calmly, "You're right I haven't stayed with it like I should have. I was just hoping with 5 days by yourself, you might make some more progress on the house." His response, "I did about what I expected to get done and I think its enough. It was a pretty "even mix" between working and relaxing." I just stared blankly at him...and eventually got up and went to the car to bring in my suitcases and ignored him. Mostly I didn't say anything because...I think I say too much sometimes. He had some very good points and he had actually done a fair amount. But what pissed me off most...it became obvious that we don't share the same life view. I want the house to be picked up and nice looking because that's the way it should be, that's the way the kids like it, that's the way I like it, etc. He pickes up and does chores because...I put it on a list. WTF. Why doesn't he care about having a nice looking house? Why doesn't he think "Hey Lav Lem would really appreciate it if I picked up the house before she came home?"

Apparently T-Dad is pissed at me because I'm pissed at him. He slept on the couch downstairs last night. The reason I'm mad...I resent the fact that I have to change my lazy ways in order to give my children the house and life I feel they should have. My resentment is directed at him. I don't really know why...I guess I thought we were both "in this together" so what I suffered, he would also suffer through. But really...that's not the way it is. I know that I want my house to be a certain way, and honestly, we've got a long way to go before its there. But I am really trying to change my "messy ways" and I think T-Dad should too. But he's not, he's contentedly remaining lazy and messy and I have to do all the work. (Okay, that's not a true statement, I don't do ALL the work...just most of it.:)

Sometimes I feel like Pond Scum

Okay, I'm the laziest person on the planet and in my infinite good fortune, I happened to find and marry the 2nd laziest person on the planet. Our courtship was unique, living in seperate cities we worked our jobs during the week and got together on weekends. The time together was spent lazing about the apartment (either his or mine) and we played games, watched movies, read books, took naps, dined out or ordered in, microwaved popcorn, etc. And we were content. We didn't nag each other or berate one another for not "trying harder". We were happy, it was fun. Fast forward and add a marriage license and three kids...we're still trying to live the lazy life and its not working out so well. Things need to get done, get washed, get dried, get picked up, get put away, get ordered, get mailed, get scheduled, get attended and so on. And things are not so content anymore. And there is a whole lot of nagging and berating going on. And things aren't going well. And I'm not happy, and it isn't fun. When I imagine the apparently well known, yet unpublished list of Essential Duties That Must Be Done Daily in a Home, I know we are behind on all of them. I suck and it sucks. I don't want to change but I have to. And it isn't easy changing. And it isn't fast. And its a painful. Because honestly if you take away our carefree and easy-going nature and replace it with a schedule and list of rules...what have you got? ...
I don't know. And I'm afraid to find out.

And its not equal anymore. I can't even use the "we" pronoun. Its "me". I'm the mother of these children. I'm suppose to make sure that the necessary things get done. If my new age husband agrees to help with any small or large aspect of the chore list, that's super. But ultimately, if there's cracker crumbs all over the carpet and the kids are wearing mismatched socks...who do people judge? The father...oh,no. Its the mother. Always the mother. Its a tall order to be a Mother, even if you don't count the actual "child-rearing duties". So many unwritten codes and policies that honestly I don't give a damn about...except...apparently I am being judged by them and failing. And that matters to me.

money

Wish i had some, no change that, wish I had approximately $30,000.

Where to begin?

Wow. I really don't know where to begin to catch up on this blog. But I feel like I need to. I feel like it helps me to write it down and let it go. It makes the "growing process" more official, more real. And ultimately that's what life is all about isn't it...growth. Some take it more seriously than others mind you...because we all know of people who seem totally and hopelessly stuck in their 2ND grade/high school/sorority girl stage.

Back to MY growth...

True fact: My children are an extension of me.
Analysis: People in the world see a child as a reflection/extension of the parent. Be it good or bad...what that child does, the parent played a hand. Honestly, right now this sucks for me. And its painful. I've always had a hard time with the whole "I married T-Dad so for some reason people think we "think" alike." Uh, no, that's not true. But now my children's behavior...aargh. I am looking forward to that time when my son graduates with honors OR is voted MVP for his lacrosse team and people congratulate "me" for raising such a fine lad.

True fact: A stay-at-home mom is responsible for the cleanliness of the home.
Analysis: Wow. That's a lot. And I admit, not my strong suit. But buckaroos...I can change. I am taking on a 30 day challenge to stay ON TOP OF the dishes and the laundry. Watch me fly.

True fact: T-Dad is wimpy when he's sick.
Analysis: I can't change this so I better get over it.

Illinois Marathon - belated

Bug and T-Dad participated in the Illinois Marathon Youth Run on April 11, 2009. I missed it. We were home celebrating my birthday with my aunt, her aunt in law, her fiance and my folks...and Mealyworm and Early Bird. :) The pictures are worth a thousand words though...(I'm a few months behind...but these were so cute.)

Stretching is very important before a big run.

They ran into Memorial Stadium.

T-Dad got to run with Bug the whole way.

Bug was really proud of his accomplishment...and so was T-Dad. :)

All the kids who participated got a really nice medal, t-shirt and shoulder sack.

Coolest Cat

We don't deserve the coolest cat in the world. Bug is harrassing her all the time. Hopefully she will continue to be cool and not get warped into some grouchy, recluse cat.

Perceptive Little Punk

So Mealyworm picks up my body language and I'm not happy about it. I can't be bitchy anymore. I can't be pissed off about nothing or irritated by typical toddler behavior. I can't roll my eyes at my own stupidity, curse my husband (under my breath) or groan with annoyance at the idiocy of drivers. She's all over me like a fly on poop. She says.."Are you happy, Mommy?" and I pause and wonder...do I tell the truth or do I lie. And then if her behavior in anyway has caused my "unhappiness" she asks "Do you want to be my friend, Mommy?" and depending on the severity of her infraction of the rules OR my own annoyance level...I find myself, again, wondering, do I tell the truth or do I lie?

I'm always tempted to be selfish and shout - "No, I am not happy. I am far from happy. There is nothing right now that is remotely happy. Thanks for asking, Mealyworm."
And as for "Do I want to be your friend?" - "No, I don't want to be friends with a little brat who won't leave her pacifier in her bed like I asked a million times, who eats her big brothers candy that he has hidden in his "secret" spot, who gets into my purse and chews 5 pieces of gum at one time, who hits the cat and pokes her baby sister in the eye. Really, that's not my idea of a "friend." But thanks for asking."

But (usually) I respond - "Yes, Mealyworm, I'm happy. Mommy is just frustrated right now because blah, blah, blah. But I'm happy."
And as for do I want to be your friend? "Yes, Mealyworm, I want to be your friend. I'm happy to be your mommy and I will always be your #1 fan. I am your friend in the truest sense...I'm your mom and will always love you."

I guess sometimes when I think I'm lying, its really the truth deep down.

Knitting

My mom is an awesome knitter. She learned to knit a long time ago, even knitted my dad a sweater in college ( that I wore all the time when I was in high school). But she was out of the knitting phase when I was growing (and totally into sewing...all our clothes). So I actuaaly learned how to knit when I was in Germany. My German exchange friend, Silke, taught me how to do it. And shortly there after, my mom picked up her needles again and has been knitting ever since. on her most recent visit she finished knitting a blanket for Mealyworm's baby dolls. Very cute. Here's Mealyworm giving it a whirl...