Thursday, August 19, 2010

Saturday, July 10, 2010


Why is changing so hard? I mean when you really want something to be different, I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY want something to be different. When you're willing to do whatever work it takes and sacrifice the necessary things, etc. Why is it so damn hard? Take for example, I know eating less, eating healthy, and exercising will add years to my life. Seriously, YEARS! Those years could mean the difference between seeing my grandchildren graduating from college or get married or even holding my great grandchildren. What stronger motivator could there possibly be?

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

The Big Purge

6 years ago I left my 2 bedroom apartment on the third floor of Library Apartments in Springfield and moved to a 3 bedroom house in Ludlow, IL. Then 3 years later with a giant U-haul truck, and many, many carloads (thank you T-Dad), we moved to our 4 bedroom house. Add in 3 kids... and a hoarding mentality...and we've got enough stuff to provide all the basic essentials to several small villages in Rowanda. Sad, really. And I'm not proud of it. But things are going to change.

I've lead myself to believe that if I have less stuff in my house, my house will be easier to clean. So under that premise (and other belief systems like "less is more", materialism sucks, etc.)...I been have whittling away the extra this and that items all throughout my house for the past 8 wks. With much help from friends and family. Because honestly I am going against the inner workings of my mind here. My mind is locked into "SAVE" position due to some post-depression family genetics or stationary ancient tribe connection, or learned behavior from my own parents. So with each "perfectly good, just old and ugly, extra blanket" or "hard to find and clever kitchen utensil" I have to coach myself through it, keeping my eyes on the prize...I crave simplicity. The stuff has got to go. I yearn for empty spaces and bare walls. I want less. I know that my house will not stay Buddhist sparse forever, or even very long. But that is my goal. And the last 4 four days have been The Big Purge.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

An evening of chaos

Chicago the Cat, Early Bird, Bug and Meelyworm and I walk back from the PBOH (Park Behind Our House) after a not-so-rousing game of tennis (one out-of-bounds ball at a time) and start dinner...I defrost the ground turkey, crush some garlic croutons with a bottle of gatorade, get out the 1/4 watermelon and try to cut it into wedges in between wrestling EB out of the dishwasher (again) and clearing the craft projects and ponytail holders off the kitchen table. Then I stab the bag and put the fresh "french green beans" in the microwave for 3 minutes, while I mix the ground turkey with the fixins to make turkey burger patties...I didn't crush enough croutons, so I grab few pieces of cornbread from take-out 4 days ago (its nice and dried out now). Much hand washing and "raw meat bowl avoidance" later, I get the dishwasher unloaded so that I can finally get the nasty raw meat bowl off the counter. I proceed to load the dishwasher, removable high chair trays, plastic cups, pots, pans, sippy cups and cereal bowls. Mealyworm wants to know if we have those pickles she likes...I say I don't know, she looks in the fridge and finds them all by herself - Bread and Butter Pickles. Yeah, big girl! Bug shouts from the family room - "It Keeps Skipping." I get the baby out of the dishwasher, put the soap in and start it. Bug yells, "its stuck, i give up, i'm going to put in Scooby Doo". I yell back, "OK." I get the green beans out of the microwave. T-Dad comes home, "I stopped at the store and got some extra fixins for our burger night". Great, thank you. He goes out and turns on the grill. I find a recipe one of the old church standby cookbooks for Green Bean Casserole. Yeah, we have all the ingredients! T-Dad comes in and gets changed into casual clothes. Mealyworm comes into the kitchen and eats another couple of pickles. I open the can of mushroom soup and mix it with the milk and half the fried onion things, and put it in the microwave. Early Bird reaches up to the counter and pulls the entire jar of pickles down. Pickles, pickle juice, everywhere. T-Dad takes the burgers outside and puts them on the grill. I send the older kids outside "to be with their dad". I change Early Bird, wash off the pickle juice and pickle smell the best I can. Get the mushroom soup mix out of the microwave...not hot enough. Put it in for another 3 minutes. I finish clearing the kitchen table, ask Mealyworm to put the plates on. I mix in the mushroom stuff with the green beans, top with the rest of the onions and put it in the oven. T-Dad comes in with the burgers. EarlyBird pulls over the small fish tank I put on the back porch early today (knowing in the back of my mind this was a baaaaad idea). The fish are safe in 1/2 inch of water at the bottom. But EB is soaked and stinky again. I strap her into her high chair while I get the fish some more water. T-Dad gets the big kids seated at the table and prepares their plates. I get the fish tank squared away and wash my hands really, really well. I get out the green bean casserole from the oven, thankful that I heated the soup up an extra time, because its at least warm now. I sit down to eat, and notice all three kids eating many things wrong with this...they should eat the burger first, they should eat the homemade green beans casserole first, they should drink their milk, but the number one thing....that I failed to notice until 15 minutes later....the baby should have her hands washed and new clothes because she smells like rotten fish.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Blogging always starts with a Blank Box

I miss you...blank text box. I miss the endless possibilities you hold. I miss the invitation to introspection that you offer. I miss the chance to organize, analyze, and most of the time to simply determine my thoughts in a space that is simultaneously all mine and everyone elses.

Welcome back into my life, blank blog box.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Red Box Movies

I love Red Box movies. You can get current stuff for $1 a night. We are currently watching Ponyo and it just came out yesterday!