Thursday, July 23, 2009

Sometimes I feel like Pond Scum

Okay, I'm the laziest person on the planet and in my infinite good fortune, I happened to find and marry the 2nd laziest person on the planet. Our courtship was unique, living in seperate cities we worked our jobs during the week and got together on weekends. The time together was spent lazing about the apartment (either his or mine) and we played games, watched movies, read books, took naps, dined out or ordered in, microwaved popcorn, etc. And we were content. We didn't nag each other or berate one another for not "trying harder". We were happy, it was fun. Fast forward and add a marriage license and three kids...we're still trying to live the lazy life and its not working out so well. Things need to get done, get washed, get dried, get picked up, get put away, get ordered, get mailed, get scheduled, get attended and so on. And things are not so content anymore. And there is a whole lot of nagging and berating going on. And things aren't going well. And I'm not happy, and it isn't fun. When I imagine the apparently well known, yet unpublished list of Essential Duties That Must Be Done Daily in a Home, I know we are behind on all of them. I suck and it sucks. I don't want to change but I have to. And it isn't easy changing. And it isn't fast. And its a painful. Because honestly if you take away our carefree and easy-going nature and replace it with a schedule and list of rules...what have you got? ...
I don't know. And I'm afraid to find out.

And its not equal anymore. I can't even use the "we" pronoun. Its "me". I'm the mother of these children. I'm suppose to make sure that the necessary things get done. If my new age husband agrees to help with any small or large aspect of the chore list, that's super. But ultimately, if there's cracker crumbs all over the carpet and the kids are wearing mismatched socks...who do people judge? The father...oh,no. Its the mother. Always the mother. Its a tall order to be a Mother, even if you don't count the actual "child-rearing duties". So many unwritten codes and policies that honestly I don't give a damn about...except...apparently I am being judged by them and failing. And that matters to me.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Wish i had some, no change that, wish I had approximately $30,000.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Where to begin?

Wow. I really don't know where to begin to catch up on this blog. But I feel like I need to. I feel like it helps me to write it down and let it go. It makes the "growing process" more official, more real. And ultimately that's what life is all about isn't it...growth. Some take it more seriously than others mind you...because we all know of people who seem totally and hopelessly stuck in their 2ND grade/high school/sorority girl stage.

Back to MY growth...

True fact: My children are an extension of me.
Analysis: People in the world see a child as a reflection/extension of the parent. Be it good or bad...what that child does, the parent played a hand. Honestly, right now this sucks for me. And its painful. I've always had a hard time with the whole "I married T-Dad so for some reason people think we "think" alike." Uh, no, that's not true. But now my children's behavior...aargh. I am looking forward to that time when my son graduates with honors OR is voted MVP for his lacrosse team and people congratulate "me" for raising such a fine lad.

True fact: A stay-at-home mom is responsible for the cleanliness of the home.
Analysis: Wow. That's a lot. And I admit, not my strong suit. But buckaroos...I can change. I am taking on a 30 day challenge to stay ON TOP OF the dishes and the laundry. Watch me fly.

True fact: T-Dad is wimpy when he's sick.
Analysis: I can't change this so I better get over it.