I've never been a raver...but I think I would've liked it.

Change.

Why is changing so hard? I mean when you really want something to be different, I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY want something to be different. When you're willing to do whatever work it takes and sacrifice the necessary things, etc. Why is it so damn hard? Take for example, I know eating less, eating healthy, and exercising will add years to my life. Seriously, YEARS! Those years could mean the difference between seeing my grandchildren graduating from college or get married or even holding my great grandchildren. What stronger motivator could there possibly be?

The Big Purge

6 years ago I left my 2 bedroom apartment on the third floor of Library Apartments in Springfield and moved to a 3 bedroom house in Ludlow, IL. Then 3 years later with a giant U-haul truck, and many, many carloads (thank you T-Dad), we moved to our 4 bedroom house. Add in 3 kids... and a hoarding mentality...and we've got enough stuff to provide all the basic essentials to several small villages in Rowanda. Sad, really. And I'm not proud of it. But things are going to change.

I've lead myself to believe that if I have less stuff in my house, my house will be easier to clean. So under that premise (and other belief systems like "less is more", materialism sucks, etc.)...I been have whittling away the extra this and that items all throughout my house for the past 8 wks. With much help from friends and family. Because honestly I am going against the inner workings of my mind here. My mind is locked into "SAVE" position due to some post-depression family genetics or stationary ancient tribe connection, or learned behavior from my own parents. So with each "perfectly good, just old and ugly, extra blanket" or "hard to find and clever kitchen utensil" I have to coach myself through it, keeping my eyes on the prize...I crave simplicity. The stuff has got to go. I yearn for empty spaces and bare walls. I want less. I know that my house will not stay Buddhist sparse forever, or even very long. But that is my goal. And the last 4 four days have been The Big Purge.